And then I thought about those two words specifically.
And I know we're at a comedy show,
but I've also talked about this before.
I talked about how I was picked on as a kid.
I was picked on a great deal as a kid
because I didn't get scary look
until after I graduated from high school.
Like, I grew eight inches and turned into Hodor
after I graduated.
Yeah.
* yeah.
If I would have been Hodor-sized in high school,
I would have been Hodor-ing the * out of bullies.
Just putting kids through walls.
Just *...
I was called both those words.
I was called retarded and faggot all the time, man.
I came home one day from school.
My sophomore year.
I'd been crying on the bus.
Yeah, crying on the bus, man.
Everybody wants to hang out with the crying kid.
You go up a bunch of notches when you cry on the bus.
So I come home to my mom,
and she saw right away that something was wrong.
And my mom's a tall lady.
And, uh...
Still is.
And she sees me, and she goes,
What's wrong?
And I go,
Carl Rankin called me a faggot today.
And she's like,
Oh, well, they used to call me giraffe in high school.
And I was like, Thanks.
Yeah, it's the same thing.
Totally.
Giraffes are nature's faggots.
Totally, like...
Thanks for nothing.
I'm gonna go in my room and listen to Iron Maiden
and read Stephen King,
because they * understand me.
I'll see you when dinner's ready.
But the point is, I know that words hurt.
I think the only way we can stop words from hurting
is if you take away the old meaning
and you give them a new meaning,
so they don't hurt anymore.
Like, if we started calling all liberals and left-wing people
faggots, hold on.
And all right-wing and Republicans
retards, faggots, hold on.
Retards.
It's what we all think of each other anyway.
It's all this * election is.
I never do political jokes,
but that's all this election is,
is retards versus faggots.
Yeah.
I know where I am.
Pretty faggot.
Although maybe some retards snuck in from Eastern Oregon
and they're like, What the * is happening?
Why isn't this faggot talking about beating off anymore?
What's going on?
What just happened to this show?
It's not fun anymore.
Because I was raised faggot.
And, uh...
Yeah, single mom, you know, only child, raised faggot.
I voted faggot my entire life.
Well, not exactly true.
I voted retard when I turned 18
just to * off my faggot mom.
And it worked.
I voted for Reagan.
Drove my faggot mom nuts.
My wife is from Fresno, California.
Really?
You might be able to attest to this.
Fresno, California is where California makes our retards.
It's where our retards come from.
Super conservative.
My wife was full retard when I met her.
Now she's right down the middle.
Part retard, part faggot.
Her retarded parents cannot believe
the level of faggotry going on at our house.