Now they want to bring a hockey team to Brooklyn,
which I feel like if they bring a hockey team here,
that's the end of the Brooklyn that I knew.
That is, a hockey team is bleach
in the washing machine of diversity.
It is.
Some friends took me to a hockey game.
They took me to see New York Rangers
play New Jersey Devils.
We went to Madison Square Garden.
They explained to me these two teams,
they hate each other.
They have a storied rivalry.
The last time the two teams played,
there was beef between them.
So game starts, the ref drops the puck.
All of a sudden, all the Rangers
and all the Devils start
punching the * out of each other.
Just throwing haymakers,
beating the * out of one another.
And everyone in the stands just gets up
and they're like,
Yeah!
Yeah!
Kill them!
Kill them!
And they're all screaming for blood.
And as the one brown face in the crowd,
I got worried.
Because I just assumed I was next.
And they fought for a while.
And after a while, the refs stopped it.
And then everybody went back to work.
And everyone in the crowd,
they all sat down.
And they all just kind of sat down
and they just quietly watched
the rest of the game.
And they never seemed as happy
as they did watching these guys
beat the * out of each other
in a way that it felt like
you know what?
Maybe lose the hockey part.
I bet you people would pay $45
to just watch a ballroom brawl on ice.
I would.
Instead of the referee dropping the puck,
you just have one dude walk in and be like,
Hey man, I think that guy's trying to talk to your lady.
And then they just beat the * out of each other
for two hours
until that closing time song comes on the jukebox.
And just have a sing-along time.




And go home.
It'd be great.
People would love that.
I don't think I'd go back to a hockey game.
It was interesting to see,
but I wouldn't go back.
I appreciate hockey though.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate it as a great place
to just vent out a lot of concentrated white rage.
That's what it is.
There is a lot.
Because hockey is just angry white people
screaming at other angry white people.
And it's great because it can't really be misconstrued.
Like I've been to basketball games
where I've seen dudes yell at Carmelo Anthony
in a way where it feels like,
is this about shot selection?
Or is this about Obama?
Come on Carmelo, that's a stupid three!
And you promised I could keep my healthcare plan!
Show me your birth certificate!
As for all the talk of how we became this post-racial society
after Obama got elected,
if you really want to see where the racial divide
in this country still is,
it's hockey and basketball.
It really is.
Because hockey,
these guys, they get into fights
and they just get it out of their systems.
The refs just let it happen.
Worst case scenario,
as a hockey player,
you get thrown in the penalty box,
which are basically just courtside seats
to a hockey game you wanted to see in the first place.
You can't do that in basketball!
Basketball, you can't even fight.
You can't push another dude in basketball.
They will throw you out of the game.
And even worse,
if you're on the sidelines
and you see a fight break out
and you stand up,
as a basketball player,
they throw you out of the game!
And you don't get to sit on the sidelines,
they send you to the locker room,
which, God knows what happens back there!
It's a * scary place
where just, like,
ghosts of old jockstraps haunting you.
And some dude on ESPN calls you a thug,
and you get fined a bunch of money,
and you gotta try to rebuild your image
by dating a Kardashian.
Yeah, you should feel bad about that.
Cause that's the difference in justice
for black and white millionaires.
If that's the difference in justice for them,
what shot does a 16-year-old black kid
with a dime bag of weed have?
And the only reason I ask
is because I've been giving this kid nickel bags.
And I just feel like he could push more products.
It's hard being a dope dealer
when you've been on TV.