i want to stop seeing this woman because she gave me a hickey stop seeing this lady because she gave
me a hickey and she was not 15 years old because that would be a different story that ends with me
in jail this woman she gave me a giant hickey on my neck give me this huge hickey she was proud of
herself i was like well you gotta go and i kind of figured if she left the hickey would leave with her
that's not how hickeys work but i had this hickey for like a week and a half
and i ran into a friend of mine he saw me with this hickey and if i was a normal person
i'd have been like oh yeah i was making out with this lady who thought she was a vampire
she wasn't
but i didn't do that instead i pretended like i didn't know what it was
and my friend was like well you got this bruise here and then being silly he was like or maybe
it's cancer and i saw an opening
you
you
you

























and i looked at my friend knowing full well it was not cancer
and said to him do you think it could be cancer
and for the next week and a half i let my friend believe i might have fake cancer
and he felt bad like he was taking me out for like dinners to keep my spirits up
and he's checking in on me and i gotta tell him about fake doctor's appointments and fake
biopsy and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die
and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die
and he signed up for a marathon
and i was cool with it all because in my mind fake cancer made more sense than just saying
yeah i've been hanging out with this lady who thinks it's cool to give hickeys to people
but i hate hickeys and it's weird because if you're seeing somebody who likes giving hickeys
then guess what you're into hickeys now like if you're seeing somebody who's a racist you're a
racist too like that's just the way it works and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die
if you if you're seeing somebody who's got a friend named megan who only knows one adjective
and it's the word banging
you got a friend named megan who thinks everything's banging
and you could tell people that you don't like megan but chances are you had dinner with megan
once and you had a banging time