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Gay Weddings on a Libertarian Diet (LoFi)

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Wyatt Cenac

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Lời bài hát: Gay Weddings on a Libertarian Diet (LoFi)

Nhạc sĩ: Wyatt Cenac

Lời đăng bởi: 86_15635588878_1671185229650

But that's the weird thing is, like, you're connected.
You're connected in this way, and we all want that connection.
We all want that connection, that thing that makes us say,
I will do anything for that person.
Love is one of those weird things, because I see it.
I go to all these weddings, and I see it.
I went to this wedding recently.
I thought it was a gay wedding.
And I don't mean that in a pejorative way.
I thought it was a wedding between gay people.
I was excited for that, because I've been to a lot of straight weddings.
They're reruns at this point.
They are.
I know how they're going to end, half the time.
That's a joke about statistics.
But I was very excited, because I thought this was a gay wedding.
And here's the thing.
It was the wedding of a friend of mine who I've known for five years.
So to recap, I went to the wedding of a friend of mine that I've known for five years.
That for five years, I just assumed was a lesbian.
It is a weird moment in your friendship when your friend calls you up and is like,
hey, guess what?
I'm getting married.
And your response is, oh, my God, that's so amazing.
Look at how far we've come as a society that you can get married.
Oh, all things are possible in Obama's America.
She's like, what do you mean that I could get married?
You know, because you're a lesbian.
That's another weird moment in your friendship.
When your friend of five years asks you, wait, why for the last five years have you thought I was a lesbian?
And you can't just say, well, we met.
You didn't want to * me, so A to B to C.
But there was something that happened in our friendship.
Something that happened early on that I saw.
And I was like, oh, OK, she's a lesbian.
I took it as that.
I didn't think anything of it.
And we were friends.
And it was just like, whatever.
And I was trying to think of what it was.
And the only thing that I could come up with was that she makes her own ice cream.
Which is a stereotype that has never been applied to gay people.
Ben and Jerry just work together.
That partnership ends at five.
No one has ever been like, well, you know that Carol, she's a real cold stone creamery when it comes to the ladies.
It wasn't a gay wedding.
It wasn't a gay wedding.
It was, however, a vegan wedding.
Yeah, that's the right response.
Because unlike sexual orientation, that is a choice.
And it's not my choice.
So it just feels like if I had a wedding, I would have to have a vegan option for my vegan friends.
Just something.
Just some beef jerky in the alley.
That's fine.
Just put some beef.
I'll eat it.
I'll * eat it and love it.
If I had a kid who was gay, I wouldn't have a problem with that.
But if I had a kid who was vegan.
I just know there's going to be some tough Thanksgivings.
That's just a lot of like, no, you are not bringing a tofurkey into this house.
Where'd you learn that?
Your fancy liberal art school?
See, this is why I said the boys should have gone to jail.
No.
The Bible said bacon, lettuce, and cheese, not seitan, lettuce, and leaves.
Whatever hateful thing I could figure out.
Asked.
He'd go running off to his room and his mom would have
to go check in on him.
Just like that's just your father.
He just even grow up the same way you did.
Are you sure
I didn't grow that way though.
I didn't grow up.
I didn't start eating vegetables till I turned 30.
For real I didn't start eating vegetables till I turned 30 because for the first 30 years in my life, good,
know what?
I'm going to treat my body.
I'm going to treat my body.
utopia. I'm just going to let the free market decide. More often than not, the free market
decided donuts. But I learned something about libertarian utopias, which is that at some point
in a libertarian utopia, especially the ones in your stomach, the have-nots will rise up.
But in this case, they rose up in the form of ulcers. Yeah. And it's weird because at an early
age, if you get ulcers, then you got to change your diet. And I had to start doing all this
stuff and take medicine and start eating vegetables. And so I did, and I've started
eating vegetables. I'll eat Brussels sprouts. They got to have bacon in them. I'll eat kale.
It also has to have bacon in it. Basically, I'll eat bacon. That's why it didn't work out with
Teresa. I had a friend who told me, they were like, hey, why don't you try going vegetarian
for a month? I was like, why don't you stop being my friend?
There's nothing against vegetarians. I like vegetarians. I actually, when I was at that
vegan wedding, I hung out with this vegetarian and she was, she was really cool. Like we really
hit it off and stuff. And she was a lot of fun to hang out with. And I learned a lot about
vegetarians. Main thing I learned is that vegetarians are always just about three drinks
away from a cheeseburger. All right, guys. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.

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