I live in a neighborhood called Fort Greene.
Yes, two of you have heard of it.
We're sharing a cab.
I live in Fort Greene, and I love Fort Greene.
And what's cool about Fort Greene is Fort Greene is one of those places that
has got a very rich history and has a very diverse background
and a lot of sort of diverse, a lot of culture there and stuff.
Abolitionists used to hold meetings in Fort Greene.
And there are all these amazing writers like Walt Whitman and Richard Wright
who wrote Native Son.
They lived in Fort Greene.
Truman Capote lived in Fort Greene.
Jazz musicians like Slyde Hampton and Freddie Hubbard and Spike Lee grew up there.
And Erykah Badu lives there now.
I know because I've been looking for her.
I just want to give her my demo and my love.
But it's a very diverse place.
And there are times where I'll be in Fort Greene and I'll be hanging out in a bar
and I'll just be there drinking for a while.
And I'll look around and I'll realize that I'm the only brown person.
And I find myself thinking, even the white people must think,
*, this is a lot of * white people.
Like, we did not move here for all these white people.
We could have stayed in Tribeca for this.
This is changing, though.
The Barclays Center now.
Got the arena.
And I remember when they were building that, people in my neighborhood, they were upset.
They were just like, oh, it's going to ruin the neighborhood.
And they'd go from door to door trying to get people to sign petitions.
They were like, no, I'm going to have to stop this.
And people would be like, oh, yeah, sure, yeah, it's funny you mention this
because there was this lady who was trying to do the same thing you're talking about.
Uh, you live in her apartment now.
It's true.
I'll admit, though,
when they were building the arena,

I was mad about it.
If you're a musician and you're coming to New York,
you want to play Madison Square Garden.
Who wants to come to Brooklyn?
Like, just for real, it just seemed like,
you want to play MSG, like,
the Barclays Center is just going to be someplace where Beyonce stores her winter clothes.
Members of Destiny's Child,
she's defeated.
Get in there, Michelle.
It was crazy, though, too, because of the people who were building it.
They tried to spin it in this way.
They were like, no, it's going to be great.
We're going to build this arena.
And then the New Jersey Nets got to move the town,
which is a terrible way to sell anything to New Yorkers.
But they built the arena, and it's fine.
But I still see people who are still mad about the arena.
People still upset about this arena.
I don't know.
Like, are y'all cool with it?
Yeah, all right.
Yeah.
Anybody?
Everybody, make some noise if you're mad about it.
Okay, good.
All right.
But in this show, I got nothing else to say.
No, but I still run into people who are mad about this arena.
And I saw something that opened up recently in my neighborhood
that I think is so much worse than that arena,
and nobody has said anything about it.
And that is a children's toy store.
A children's toy store opened up in my neighborhood,
and I would take three.
I would take three arenas and ten crack houses on my street,
in my bathroom,
before a children's toy store.
Because a children's toy store, it's not for any of you.
You're adults.
It's not for adults.
Children's toy store, you don't want that.
A children's toy store, it's basically like a strip club for children.
That's all it is.
Children go in there, they get all worked up,
looking at things they can't touch.
And they come home and bother you all night, like,
ugh.
But also, if you're an adult who doesn't have children,
you don't want a children's toy store in your neighborhood.
You don't want that.
You don't.
As an adult with no children, think about it.
I'm sure all of you have, like, a brunch spot that you love to go to.
Try going there and eating your way through a hangover
when there's a three-year-old at the next table,
just screaming her head off because she hasn't figured out
that Yelp is an easier way to say she's having a shitty time.
This place is all ga-ga, no goo-goo.
Even worse, even worse, maybe it's a nice summer day.
Let's all put on our imagination caps.
Maybe it's a nice summer day, early in the summer,
so it's like low 70s, it's a Saturday, it's beautiful outside,
there's a nice breeze, and you and your friends are like,
oh, man, you know what would be great right now?
We should do some day drinking.
Yeah, let's do some day drinking.
Yeah, oh, we should go to that bar that we like.
Yeah, the one with the outdoor space,
and they have that DJ who plays cool music.
Yeah, let's go there.
Yeah, and you're like, oh, you know what would be great?
We go and we hang out, maybe we'll meet some people.
Yeah, we make some friends, and we drink,
and we watch the day turn to night.
You're like, yeah, you put on your good clothes,
you head out the door, you show up to this bar,
and it's filled with babies.
Because apparently that's a thing now,
where parents just bring babies.
Babies in the bars.
You used to get arrested for that *.
I've been to bars where parents are having
birthday parties for children.
Like, birthday parties for babies,
and have the nerve to get mad at me.
Like, excuse me, can you move your drink?
My baby's trying to crawl here.
Don't hinder her ability to explore.
There's just something about that.
Like, look, if I can't go to a gymboree and get *-faced
and make out with somebody on a seesaw,
stay the * out of my playground.
Oh!
But it's weird, because these parents,
they do it, and they do it because they want to prove
that they can still hang out the same way they did
before mommy's stomach became a timeshare.
And the * up part is they're not proven,
they're not proven it to themselves,
and they're not proven it to their friends.
They're proven it to the baby.
Baby, baby.
You watch them, they get a little alcohol in their system,
they start looking at that baby, just like,
* you, Trevor.
* you.
*, no, shut up, shut up.
You don't change me, Trevor.
I change you.
I change you.