Why is marijuana not legal?

Why is marijuana not legal?

Its a natural plant

That grows in the dirt Do you know whats not natural?

80 year old dudes with hard-ons

Thats not natural

But we got pills for that Were dedicating all our medical resources

To keeping the old guys erect

But were putting people in jail

For smoking something that grows in the dirt You know we have more

Prescription drugs now

Every commercial that comes on TV

Is a prescription drug ad I cant watch TV for four minutes

Without thinking

I have five serious diseases Like, Do you ever wake up

Tired in the morning?

Oh, my God I have this, write this down

Whatever it is, I have it Half the time you dont even know

What the commercial is

People running through fields

Or flying kites or swimming in the ocean Im like that is the greatest disease ever

How do you get that?

That disease comes

With a hot chick and a puppy The schools now

It is all about self-esteem in the schools

Build the kids self-esteem

Make them feel good about themselves If everybody grows up with high self-esteem

Who is going to dance in our strip clubs?

Whats going to happen to our porno industry?

These women dont just grown on trees It takes lots of drunk daddys

Missing a lot of dance recitals

Before you decide to blow a goat

On the internet for fifty bucks And if that disappears

Where does that leave me on a Friday

With my new high speed connection? Baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song

Sing for me, c'mon now sing

Baby, sing, sing, sing, sing your song

Sing to me, sing a song Masterminds are another word

That comes up all the time

You keep hearing about these

Uh, these terrorists masterminds

That are being killed in the middle east Terrorists masterminds

Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe

What these guys do, dont you think?

Theyre not masterminds Okay, you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack

Then you get on bus and you blow yourself up

Why do I have to blow myself up? Why dont I put?

Whos the *** mastermind here? Me or you? Americans, lets face it

Weve been a spoiled country for a long time

Do you know what the number one

Health risk in America is? Obesity, obesity They say were in the middle of an obesity epidemic

An epidemic like it is polio

Like well be telling our grand kids about it one day

The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004 Howd you get through it grandpa?

Oh, it was horrible Johnny

There was cheesecake

And pork chops everywhere Nobody knows why we're getting fatter

Look at our lifestyle

Ill sit at a drive through

Ill sit there for I'll sit there Behind fifteen other cars

Instead of getting up to

Make the eight foot walk

To the totally empty counter Everything is mega meal

Super sized

Want biggie fries with that?

Want a jumbo fries with that?

Want to go large? You want to have thirty burgers

For a nickel you fat ***

Theres room in the back, take it

Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that?

Its only three more cents Baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song

Sing for me, c'mon now sing

Baby, sing, sing, sing, sing your song

Sing to me, sing a song Sometimes you have to

Suffer a little in your youth

To motivate yourself

To succeed in later life Do you think if Bill Gates

Got laid in high school

Do you think thered be a Microsoft?

Of course not You got to spend a long time

Stuffed in your own locker

With your underwear

Wedged up your ass before you start thinkin'

Im going to take of the world

With computers! You'll see, Ill show them Were in one of the

Richest countries in the world

But the minimum wage is lower now

Than it was thirty-five years ago There are homeless people everywhere

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day

I was about to give it to him and then

I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol And then I thought, thats what Im going to use it on

Why am I judging this poor ***

People love to judge homeless guys

Like if you give them money theyre just going to waste it He's gonna waste the money

Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?

Save it up and buy a wall unit

Take a little run to the store for a throw-rug and a CD rack

Hes homeless I walked behind this guy the other day

A homeless guy asked him for money

He looks right at the homeless guy

"Why dont you go get a job you bum?" People always say that to homeless guys

"Get a job" like it's always that easy

This homeless guy was wearing

His underwear outside his pants Im guessing his resume isnt all up to date

Im predicting some problems during the interview process

Im pretty sure even McDonalds has an

Underwear goes inside the pants policy

Not that they enforce it very strictly,

But technically Im sure it is in the books Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song

Sing for me, c'mon now sing

Baby, sing, sing, sing, sing your song

Sing to me, sing a song