Let's meet contestant number one.
He's a schizophrenic serial killer clown who says women love his sexy smile.
Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon.
Sharon, what's your question?
Contestant number one, I believe first impressions last forever.
So let's say you were to come over to my parents' house and have dinner with me and my family.
Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stand out.
Let's see.
Well, I'd have to think about it.
I might show up in a tux, but I dollied.
I'd probably just show up naked like I always do.
And look your mama in the eye and tell her, * you.
Hurry up, bitch, I'm hungry.
I smell spaghetti.
I'd pinch her loopy ass and tell her, get the food ready.
Your dad would probably start tripping and get me pissed.
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his * lips.
It's dinner time.
We're hearing grace from your mother.
I'd pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother.
I'm steady staring at you.
Sister, I'll tell you this.
You know, for only 30, she got some big tits.
After that, your dad would try to jump again.
And only this time, I'd put the 40 to his chin.
After your mom does the dishes and the silverware,
I'd dry * her till I nut in my underwear.
Now let's meet contestant number two.
He's a psychopathic, deranged crackhead.
He's a freak who works for the dark carnival.
He says women call him stretch nuts.
Sharon, let's hear your question.
I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions.
A man who expresses himself in his own special way.
Number two, if you fell in love with me,
exactly how would you let me know?
First thing, I could never love you.
You sound like a witchy bitch, yo.
* you.
But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care by taking on
these other bitches.
Motherfuckers, out of here.
I'd go through your phone book and whack them all.
If I could test it, number one, I'd break his * jaw.
Anyone who looked at you would have to pay.
I'd be blowing * nuggets off all day.
I'd *** your titties and stretch them down past your waist.
Let them go and watch them both spring up in your face.
I'd sing love songs to you the best I can.
Get you naked and hit it like a cake, man.
Then we'd go to the beach and walk through the sand.
I'd throw a little in your face and say, I'm just playing.
As you spit it all out, I'd rub your back and *** your underwear and
wet it up your ass crack.
Well,
it sounds like contestant number two is just overflowing with sensitivity, Sharon.
It's a tough choice so far.
Sharon, let's have your last question and
see which one is going to win the rights to your Ned.
Okay.
If we were at a dance club and you both noticed me at the same time, tell me,
how would you each get my attention and what would your pick up line be?
Whoever's the smoothest wins.
Okay, first, I'd slide up to the bar and
tell you that I can't believe how * fat you are.
I'd tell you that I like the way you make your titties shake.
And if you lost a little weight, you'd look like Ricky Lake.
* that, you be jogging me quick.
I'd order you a drink and stir it with my dick.
And then to get your attention in the crowded place,
I simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face.
Yeah, freak her with your nuts, yo, that'll get her.
Tell her that she's fat, yeah, that'll work even better.
Look, * you, I got a strong rap *.
You don't want contestant number two, he's mad whack.
I walked into a barn and there he was, standing up on a bucket, trying to * it.
It was a big * smelly ass farm llama.
Damn dog.
*, how you gonna *** your mama?