This place is like quicksand
Birmingham's Venice, Glasgow's Detroit, Redlington's Prague by the sea
Sun's high in sky on English Riviera, the whole world is drinking with me
Between the jukebox and ladies' loos, a crazy path nobody would choose
We're on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, this place is like quicksand
Sure I've been this place before, keep peeping in the same old door
Keep sticking to the same old floor, this place, this place is like quicksand
I'm sat next to the very same bloke, who's telling me the very same joke
Barman has to give me a poke, this place is like quicksand
Coventry's Paris, Bristol's Madrid, South End's our own Saint-Tropez
I've been to every one but only in spirit, and we're drinking away there today
Between the jukebox and ladies' loos, a crazy path nobody would choose
We're on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, this place is like quicksand
We're on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, this place is like quicksand
We're Lawrence Foxes, we're right-set friends
Devoid of soul but high on meds
Buy your shoes from Benson's for beds
This place is like quicksand
We're flufflets, we're idiots, but God was strong
Our feet are stuck but our reach is long
We're trapped and scared but we're singing this song
This place is like quicksand
Between the jukebox and ladies' loos, a crazy path nobody would choose
We're on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, this place is like quicksand
We're on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, this place is like quicksand