I've been thinking 'bout Gabrielle Solis and all the desperate housewives. I've been thinking 'bout Mike Delfino and his gun. I've been drawing patterns in my mind, but I can't fall asleep. I've been counting all the sheep there is to count.

No, I can't fall asleep, that's why I'm here with you tonight. Can you lend me a DVD box or sing me a lullaby?

Hello Mrs. Van De Kamp did you clean the whole kitchen and drink all the wine? Hello Saferide, can you give me a safe ride back to sleep? Cause I wanna OD on DH. I wanna OD on DH. Let me overdose on DH with you.

I've been trying to kill the pain by watching make-believe people's fake disasters. And think if I'd been Elaine this misery'd been followed by studio laughter. I've been looking so hard for someone who could love me like Will loves Grace, but they say “It's not like on your flat screen TV”. It's gotta be like on my flat screen TV.

I've seen you around I can tell that you're just like me. You'd rather watch reruns than deal with the bad spin-off called life. I’ll put the kettle on. Let’s not speak, talk ruins every conversation. I’ve downloaded Dexter. Come, there’s room next to me.

Hello Mr Sipowicz, 'ginning to understand why you act like you do. Hello Pablo, I got this vision we can dance to. I need to OD on NYPD. I need to OD on NYPD. Let's overdose on NYPD when we're blue.