It's getting rough out there, man.
I'm trying everything.
Try working out.
Figure out getting shape.
That should get the ladies, man.
I got a new goal at the gym.
I wanna get in the gay shape.
Yeah, that's right, I said it.
See, women laugh, men get scared.
Because,
lady,
you know exactly what I'm talking about,
right, gay men?
Gay men are the most ripped, strong.
Listen, I don't know how strong you have to be
to blow a guy,
but apparently there's some muscle involved,
man.
But see,
women are comfortable with the gay thing,
because women can play gay.
See, at
any point in a woman's life,
she can just decide to do other women,
and nobody gets mad.
Really, I've heard women say it.
You know something, * men.
No, I don't need men
and their bullshit anymore.
I just do women.
Right, then they go do women for a while,
then they come back to doing men,
and nobody gets upset.
I'm like, you got any video?
Souvenirs
or something like that?
Dating's hard, man.
I don't like dating.
You know why?
You gotta
pretend on a date.
Everything that happens on a date,
you're like,
oh,
that's cute.
Oh,
that's funny.
See, I can't do that.
I'm too honest.
I'm on a date, like, ho, ho, there's
* here I don't like.
First of all, I don't like women's pets.
I don't think it's cute
when your cat's ripping up my *.
You know,
little dogs bark too much,
and big dogs,
to
be quite honest,
big dogs scare the hell out of me,
man.
I was with this girl, she had a 90-pound
husky, man.
This thing looked like a wolf.
You ever try to have *** with a 90-pound husky
watching?
That's pressure, man.
Because you know you want her to enjoy it,
but you don't want her
to scream,
because Rex might not understand.
Then she calls up help,
and she's gonna turn over,
get
on all fours,
and I'm like,
oh,
great,
now he knows exactly what I'm doing.
He's judging
my technique right now.
Listen, women complain.
I love that.
Women always complain about men.
Biggest complaint women have,
men don't communicate.
Men don't communicate.
No, it's not that we
don't communicate,
it's that you communicate on a level
so advanced that we generally don't
understand what the hell you're talking about.
And you set us up, ladies,
because you ask
us women questions,
questions men could not possibly answer.
Questions like,
do you remember?
Oh, women love that question.
Do you remember?
Don't you remember?
The only thing we remember is we got in
trouble last time we heard that question.
So once and for all, ladies, no.
No, we are men.
We do listen.
We invented instant replay,
because we forgot * we just saw.
I'm Alonzo.
Thanks for laughing.
Enjoy the rest of the show.