Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Johnny Garfield!
What's up? What's up? Can I hear some noise? What's up? What's up? Make some noise. Make some more noise.
All right, all right. I see a lot of black people in the crowd.
So that mean one thing, nigga better be funny.
I tell you, man, don't let black people pay to see you perform.
I'm telling you, because black people, when they pay to see you perform, they think a ticket make them more than an audience member and *.
Like, they think a ticket make them a goddamn shareholder. That's what the * the mentality black people have, man.
I'm telling you, you know, like they get say in the way the performance is going.
Like, I remember the first time I performed in front of a group of black people.
And, you know, I got up there, told a joke about my grandmother, got to the punchline, laid in the back, said, hey, that ain't how that joke go.
It's tough, man. It's tough. I see people sitting in the front row. That's great. That's great.
You know, I'm glad you're not scared because people always putting that bad low out and * like, oh, when you go to a comedy show, don't sit in the front row.
You know, you sit in the front row. He's going to get you.
Like, am I a comedian or the boogeyman, motherfucker? You tell me. You let me know.
You know, don't worry. Don't be nervous. I'm not going to give you guys any more trauma.
I got enough of that *. That's my job. That's my job.
You know, that's how I work through it. According to some of y'all, you know, some people tell me * like, hey, Johnny, you get to go up there and make jokes about all this dramatic stuff in front of all those people.
Comedy must be very therapeutic.
I'm like, not if motherfuckers don't laugh. It ain't. Trust me, that's tough.
It's tough, man. It's tough.
I learned a lot. I learned a lot. It's hard to tell, but I'm 25.
I know some of you guys remember that time.
Some of you guys are trying to get there, you know, but I'm 25 now and it's been a long life.
And something that this life has taught me is that you catch more bees with honey than vinegar.
Right. Right.
This is the honey. This is the honey.
I'm liking this. We got some honeys in the house.
This is the * honey. All right.
Because I used to be a vinegar motherfucker.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you.
* wasn't always so prideful with me.
I used to put the nigga in vinegar.
I'm telling you.
It was tough. It was tough, you know.
Hard to guess because of what I'm doing now, but I used to be in a gang.
Could you believe that *?
I used to be in a gang, man.
I mean, I got a chipped tooth and a scar on my eyebrow, so obviously I didn't get them shits from being funny, you know.
Unless I was performing for Mike Tyson, you know.
Johnny Garfield, you're so funny.
Nah, nah, it's none of that.
None of that.
That *.
None of that.
But yeah, man, I used to be part of a gang, and we never caught on.
We never caught on.
Thank God we didn't, right?
We never caught on.
But the reason why we never caught on, believe it or not, is because we couldn't come up with a damn name.
I'm telling you.
We couldn't.
So * silly.
We couldn't come up with a name that stuck, you know.
Because we wanted a name that was going to make people take us serious, but we also wanted a name that was appealing to the surrounding kids and *.
You know, so what we came up with.
We came up with what we thought was a great idea.
We decided we were going to name our gang after whatever black rapper was hot at the time, you know.
So when 50 Cent became the top rapper, we became the Quarter Boys, right?
I thought Half Dollar Hooligans was better, personally, but Democracy wins, you know, Quarter Boys it was.
You know, when Lil Wayne became the top rapper, we became the Wayne Gang.
That sounds a little better.
But I'm glad we kept it to black rapper.
Because looking back on it, I don't think folks would have took us serious if we was calling ourselves the M&Ms and *.
I don't think that would have went well.