Black guys are tough. They're tough dudes.
I see why they grow up with a chip on their shoulder,
because I see how they're raised.
I'm in New York City, and I'm on a subway train,
and we pull into the stop, the door's open,
and there's a black woman running for the subway,
pushing like a three-year-old kid in the stroller,
and the doors are about to slam shut,
so naturally she does the right thing
and sticks the stroller between the doors.
The things were open and closed on this kid
for like three minutes.
* everybody's belly laughing on the train.
The kid's not even flinching.
He's like sucking on a lollipop.
Another day in the hood, I guess.
What am I, a * doorstop today?
Just *, you could see the hate in his eyes already.
Jesus Christ, Ma.
Me and these, I was next to two black guys.
We couldn't stop * laughing.
We get on the train, *,
and I'm watching the little black,
and he starts to ***.
This woman's scarf,
and this is what the black mom says
to the three-year-old black kid in the stroller.
LaShawn, do that again.
I will knock you the * out.
That is not something you say
to a three-year-old in a stroller.
That's something you say to your roommates
if you catch them sniffing your girlfriend's panties
or somebody eats your Chinese food out of the fridge.
Midnight, if your wife gets lippy
on an elevator in Atlantic City,
that's when you say * like that.
Three years old.
I will knock you the * out.
You don't see white moms saying that.
I don't remember Carol Brady going,
Bobby, you call Alyssa Dyke again.
I will knock you the * out.
When I was a little kid,
and I used to misbehave,
my mother would say,
wait till your father gets home,
but that's not an option for a black chick,
let's be honest.
A few amount of people clapping,
the rest of you is moaning.
Yeah, where can I find the stats
to back up that statistic and that joke?
Boy, boy, did I pull that one out of my ass, huh?
If I'm a black kid,
my mother goes, wait till your father gets home,
and I go, what's he doing, 18 or 20 this stretch?
I'll be 44 years old,
I'll kick the * out of him for you, okay?