Me and R.J. and the kids was on a camp out in the mountains and we had us one of them
U-Drive Marmy Jeep cars, which we'd rent it from a fella by the name of Cubosky for 30
bucks a day, buy your gas along the way, take a rapid split, and leave a pint of blood for
a deposit.
And he explained it all to us, how we was supposed to get a Telluride, which is 50 miles
away by way of the regular highway, however, there was a shortcut, but unless we had drove
the Black Bear Road before, we'd better be off to stay in bed to sleep late, pay no attention
to the guitar there.
Well, we took off in the highway and we come upon a sign that says, Black Bear Road, you
don't have to be crazy to drive this road, but it helps, I says, R.J., this must be the
shortcut road Cubosky's talking about, she didn't pay no mind, cause she was making peanut
butter sandwiches for the kids in the backseat, throwing rocks and drinking Kool-Aid and playing
Count the License Plates.
But they wasn't having too much fun at Counting the License Plates, or cars, cause there weren't
no other cars.
Rewind about a mile and a half, in about four hours, busted off the right front fender,
tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet, went over a bump, spilled
the Kool-Aid, and Roy Gene stuck his polo knife right through the convertible top, and
the dog threw up all over the backseat, peanut butter don't agree with me, see.
So we had to stop, take off the top, and air everything out and clean it up, the dog run
off and R.J. says she felt her asthma coming on, I was sitting there wondering what to
do when the entire scenic San Juan U-Drive Marmy Jeep car sank in the mud at 13,000 feet
above sea level.
Well, we shoveled it out and ate our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the snow, and
Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took a snapshot of it.
Mary Elizabeth drew a picture of the road, it looked like a whole bunch of Z's and W's
all strung together, and R.J. took one look at it and said the only way is if that jeep
car is going down that road and over her dead body, and a rock slipped out in front of the
wheel and the U-Drive Marmy Jeep car went right over the edge of a cliff.
Doggone it, Roy Gene, how many times do I have to explain it to you?
When I tell you to put a rock under the wheel, I mean rock!
Now look at that, what you got there, no bigger grapefruit.