I
dragged it in alone this year
The biggest one on the lot
Thought maybe if it filled the room It'd fill the hole you left
Tied it to the roof myself
Needles raining on the hood
Same way they rained on us last year
When we laughed like kids up to no good
I got it upright in the stand
Tightened every screw
Then they're smelling me like a fish And I knew
Pie makes me sick now That sharp green perfume
Is tangled in the memory Of your hair in this same room
I bent over the kitchen sink Wretching up last year's joy
Cause every breath of Christmas tree
Smells like the girl who destroyed
This heart that's still beating for,
for, time for you
Pie makes me sick And I bought 12 feet of proof
I tried the candle tricks,
cinnamon,
cloves Anything to kill it,
lit the whole damn house
On fire with spices but the tree won't quit It's bleeding,
I sent through the hallway
Under the bedroom door Where you used to shake snow
From your curls onto my floor Now I sleep on the couch
With the windows cracked in December air Tryna freeze the smell out
Tryna freeze you outta there The lights are up but unplugged
I can't stand the glow It turns a needle silver
Just like your hair in the falling snow
Pie makes me sick now
I clawed at my throat all night Tried to cough up the taste of
your neck In the firelight I'd saw the damn thing in half If
I thought it would help me forget But the saps in the carpet,
the walls,
my skin,
my breath I'm drowning in Christmas while the calendar won't move on
Pie makes me sick And the tree keeps breathing,
you don't know
I thought about dragging it out back Lighting it up in flames
Watch last December burn orange and scream your name
But I just sit here on the floorboards Forehead against the trunk
Breathing you in like poison, getting drunk Pie
makes me sick
Pie
makes me sick, love And I can't make it leave
It's the
only part of you that still lets me keep
So I'll stay here getting sicker
Till the needles all fall dead
And I sweep them in a box that's marked Do not open again
Maybe next year I'll buy plastic Maybe
next year I'll skip it all together
Maybe I'll just keep bleeding out In the smell of us forever
The tree stands dark and silent
I'm curled up at his feet
Pie makes me sick
But it's the closest I get to your heartbeat
Pie makes me sick
But it's the closest I get to your heartbeat