� Ah! A customer! Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry? You gave me such a fright I thought you was a ghost After a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down, sit! All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if me head's a little vague Ooh, what is that? But you'd think we had the plague From the way that people keep avoiding No you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir But there's no one comes in even to inhale Right you are, sir Would you like a drop of ale? Mind you, I can hardly blame them These are probably the worst pies in London I know why nobody cares to take them I should know, I'll make them But good no, the worst pies in London Even that's polite, the worst pies in London If you doubt it, take a bite Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it It's nothing but crusting Here, drink this, you'll need it The worst pies in London And no wonder with the price of meat What it is when you get it Never thought I'd live to see the day Men would think it was a treat Finding poor animals were a dying in the street Mrs Mooney has a pie shop Does her business but I notice something weird Lately all her neighbours' cats have disappeared Have to hand it to her What are courts? Enterprise Popping pussies into pies Wouldn't do in my shop Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick No denying times is hard, sir Even odder than the worst pies in London Only lard and nothing more Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty It looks like it's molten And tastes like, well, pity A woman alone With limited wind And the worst pies in London Ah, sir Times is hard Times is hard