Get down, I feel so good
Where did the lead in my pencil go?
Who stole the plonker from my banjo?
Tell me please, cos I really got to know
Who broke the string on my yo-yo?
Well, alright!
I was a real humdinger when I was young
Women buzzing round me like flies round dung
I had a black bomber jacket and a gold medallion
Henry Cooper after shaving balls like a stallion
But now I'm past my prime
He's a *, he's old man time
I can't shift my gears like I did before
The tiger in me tank won't even roar
And I can't push the pedal right down to the floor
And the goddamn piston won't pump no more
And I'm so fed up I could spit
Who got me muscles, turned them into jelly
Took them off me arms and wrapped them round me belly
Who took the slider from me old trombone
Who bent the needle on me grammar phone
Well, oh, right!
Who broke the bone that the doctor can't mend
Who took the credit from me flexible friend
Who took the wind out of my balloon
Who took me cucumber and left me with a prune
I'll make a most vulgar sign
If I ever meet old man time
I can't shift my gears like a dung
I can't shift my gears like I did before
The tiger in me tank won't even roar
And I can't push the pedal right down to the floor
And the goddamn piston won't pump no more
And I feel so bad
Well, all right
Let's get funky
My rhubarb was rigid
It thrusted through the custard
But my rhubarb's crumbled
And I'm flipping disgusted
I'm a creaking, squeaking, leaking antique
My spirit's willing
But my flesh is weak
Lord, give me strength to carry on
But when I die and they lay me out
With flowers and weeping women all about
Some of those ladies might point and grin
And say, oh, who Brigham Hortons is setting in
To waste it would be a crime
He's a booger, he's old man time
A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three
My mother said that to keep good health
I never, never, never should abuse myself
And if I had a W-A-N-K
I'd shorten my life by one whole day
Actually, if that were true
I should have died in about 1952
So really, I'm doing fine
And booger, you old man time