You showed up on a motorcycle late on Christmas Eve
Says his name is Leon but last year it was Steve
You don't know if he has a job and you don't care to ask
He spends the evening in the corner sipping from a flask
He's your weird cousin, who's so friggin' weird
Your weird cousin, he can't grow a beard
Your weird cousin, everybody has a weird cousin
Your weird cousin, and you can't help but love him
He shows up on a moped, his hair is soaking wet
He needs to borrow money cause he lost his in a horse racing bet
He smells like gasoline, mixed with the county fair
He spends the evening trying to sell the family Tupperware
He's your weird cousin, who's so friggin' strange
Your weird cousin, I think he might have mange
Your weird cousin, everybody has a weird cousin
Your weird cousin, and you can't help but love him
Conspiracy theory
The moon landing, it wasn't real, they staged it in LA
He believes the FBI is really the CIA
The president's a lizard, and so are all the royals
We should all wear pointy hats made of aluminum foil
He's your weird cousin, he's so friggin' odd
Your weird cousin, how are you even related?
Your weird cousin
If you don't have a weird cousin
I'm sorry it's true, but look around the room
The weird cousin is you