[Ludacris]
Oh god! Oh god! Ugh..

[911 Lady]
9-1-1 What's your emergency?

[Ludacris]
Yes ma'am I got a hard problem, I got a hard problem...

[911 Lady]
Calm down sir, it can't be that hard, Okay?

[Ludacris]
No, no it can't, it-it can't... It is! My dick, it's been hard for over eight hours and it just won't go down!

[911 Lady]
Excuse me?!

[Ludacris]
I took one of them Viagras for the first time...

[911 Lady]
Word?!

[Ludacris]
And the first one didn't do anything, s-so I took another one...

[911 Lady]
OK..

[Ludacris]
And now my *** harder than titanium in this motherfucker, I've been knocking *** over...

[911 Lady]
Damn, I ain't had no dick in 6 months..

[Ludacris]
Why don't them ***s come with directions?! I don't know what to do, ma'am help!

[911 Lady]
Hey girl, Lisa!

[Lisa]
Hmhm--?

[Ludacris]
--My god, what was I thinking...

[911 Lady]
--Call my shift, forward this call to my cell and confirm his address!

[Lisa]
I got you!

[Ludacris]
Swear to god imma kill Tyrone and them niggas, I ain't never listenin' to them niggas again man, I swear!

[Lisa]
Mmm... Calm down, sir help is on the way!

[Ludacris]
I can't believe these bitches set my dick up for failure!

[911 Lady]
Well, what happened anyway?

[Ludacris]
I had, I had invited this chick over, you know what I'm sayin', this bitch I knew from a long time...

[911 Lady]
Mm-Hmm...

[Ludacris]
And she said she was with her friend, and they both wanted this thang, man, like they both wanted to jump me off, you know what I'm sayin', and then--

[911 Lady]
--Poor thang!--

[Ludacris]
--it started going to voicemail, man I HATE these bitches, man why do they need to be doing this stupid ***?!

[911 Lady]
Mm-Mm, sir, help is in the neighborhood!--Is it the last house on the right?

[Ludacris]
...Right on the right... right? No, they right, THESE BITCHES AIN'T RIGHT!

[Lisa]
Mm, don't worry about that! Momma gon' take care of you! Oh, is the one with the blow up dolls in the front?

[Ludacris]
The one in the cut, with the furry bushes... it's got some furry bushes, yes it does... I done wacked off like three times! I don't know what else to do!

[911 Lady]
Well, you ain't gotta do that no more! (opens and closes door)

[Ludacris]
What the hell you doin' in my house?!

[911 Lady]
Nigga, where the drinks at?!