Me and my buddy got us a wild hair

And figured we wanted to go somewhere

So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet

We had a little bit of money and a whole lot of show

And with Hank Junior blaring on the radio

We got a tank full of gas and we was on our way We figured we'd go down to New Orleans

We were barrelling' down old 17

When a man with a blinking red light was on our tail

He said, "You were doin' 60 in a 45

But I'm gonna let you go this time

But if I catch you again, I'm gonna slap you in the county jail" We said, "Thank you sir, you sure been nice

And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"

And we were Southbound and down with the wind blowing in our faces

We kept on rolling and pretty soon

The radio was cooking out a haggard tune

And we were pulling into Houston and checking out all the places I was feeling dry and I said, "I think

We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink"

Old Jim said, "Yeah 'cause we got time to kill"

We kept on rolling and I seen this spot

We pulled into the parking lot

Of this place called, 'The Cloud Nine Bar and Grill' We walked through the door and the place was jammed

The lights were low, they had a punk rock band

And some orange haired feller singing about suicide

I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of place

He said, "Well, let's just have one round anyway"

So against my better judgment we walked on inside Went up to the bar and we sat down

This feller walked up and said, "I'll buy this round"

And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim

He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy

He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes

And everybody in that place looked just about like him I said, "Jim, this ain't our kind of bar

Let's just go on out and get back in the car

'Cause there's gonna be trouble, ain't no sense in taking a chance"

We was getting up, getting ready to leave

When somebody grabbed old Jim by the sleeve

And this good looking girl, she was asking my buddy to dance I said, "Jim, don't do it, there's something missing

There's fellers dancing and fellers kissing

There's a feller in high heeled shoes wearing panty hose"

He said, "Partner, I just can't turn this down

You just go over there and have one more round

I'll dance with the lady and we'll get on down the road" So he walked away and left me alone

But this funny looking feller kept coming on

And he was making me mad with some of the things he said

Then he put his hand on my knee

I said, "If you don't get your paw off me

I'm gonna locate your nose around the other side of your head" He said, "I love it when you get that fire in your eye

I said, "Well, partner try this on for size"

And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light

Everybody in that place must have been his friend

They all headed for me, I said, "This is the end"

But where I come from, we don't give up without a fight They were screaming and yelling and scratching and clawing

I was punching and hitting and kicking and pawing

I was holding my own, 'cause I've been in a scrap or two

Old Jim come running up out of the blue

And that gal he was with, come running up too

And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe I grabbed her by the hair it came off in my hand

And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man

And old Jim just got sick right there on the floor

He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun

Smeared his lipstick, made his makeup run

And me and old Jim started fighting our way to the door Man, we lit out of there in that Chevrolet

I put in on the floor and it stayed that way

We was going' down the highway doing about a hundred and ten

We were headed for home and we was getting nearer

Then a red light came on the rear view mirror

And that same blame cop was pulling us over again Now I'm sitting' here in this county jail

I had to call my Daddy to go our bail

But I learned me a lesson that I never will forget again

I've done give up drinking', I've give up bars

And running around the country in souped up cars

I'm going back where the women are women and the men are men