Hi, this is your boy Harry the Hipster.
I want all you hip kiddies to dig this story about the two crazy cats.
Once upon a time, two cats drove downtown to pick up some loot from the union.
They parked right in front of Local 802, that's in New York.
One cat says, man you wait in the car, I'll pick up the loot for both of us.
Well that boy must have waited about six or seven weeks.
And that cat never showed.
Five years later, he's walking down the street, he saw the cat standing on a corner.
He ran up, he says, hey man, what happened?
The cat jumped real salty.
He said, I thought I told you to wait in the car.
He said, yeah man, but I gotta go all the way out to California.
So the guy laid some loot on him, he bought a bus ticket.
Next day, he's out in the middle of the country.
He walks up to the bus driver, he tapped him on the shoulder, he says, hey man.
He says, when are we gonna get to Seattle?
The bus driver turns around and says, I'm sorry Jack, we don't even go to Seattle.
Two days later, the cat walks up to the bus driver, taps him.
He says, hey man, when are we gonna get to Seattle?
The bus driver turns around and says, I told you before man, we don't even go to Seattle.
The cat looks down and says, well fake it man, fake it.
By the time he got to Los Angeles, he was broke.
So he went to the post office to get a city job.
The man says, well you can have the job, all you gotta do is take a little test.
He said, that'll be cool.
He get in the next room.
The man says, well, this is a simple little thing.
He says, how far do you think it is from here to Los Angeles?
Well, he was in San Francisco at this time.
So he says, oh, about 400 miles.
The man says, that's fine.
He says, how far do you think it is from San Francisco to New York?
Oh, the cat says, about 5,000.
He says, you're doing great.
He says, one more little question.
He says, how far do you think it is from here to the moon?
The cat looked up and he says, man, if I gotta work that shift, I don't want the job.
Well, he turned it down.
That was the only shift they had open.
The next day he picked up a buddy and they went out and got a job with a couple of grave diggers.
They're digging.
They're out there in the afternoon.
Must have dug about a half inch.
One cat stopped.
The other guy turned around and said, what's the matter?
The cat looked up.
Sugar said, he says, man, I don't dig them graves.
Well, they decided to go out to Las Vegas to get even.
They jump in a plane.
The plane lands in the Las Vegas airport.
They just walked out of the plane and all of a sudden, one of them great big atomic bombs blew up.
One cat turned around and says, man, this town really rocks.
They must have been in Vegas a couple of months.
Didn't score, so they took a job on a boat.
Got an ocean liner the next day right out of Las Vegas.
Must have taken them about four years to get to the ocean.
They get out in the middle of the ocean.
They both got up.
One cat says, let's get on a health kit and get out in the sun.
So they walked out.
They must have walked out there about a half a minute.
Right out in the sunlight.
One cat leaned over the rail.
He says, man, dig all that water.
The other cat turned around.
He says, and that's only the top.
Well, they landed on the other side and the boat landed right in the middle of Brazil.
Right in the middle of the jungle.
They get out and they're walking around.
They got kind of warm, so they took their shoes off.
Just as they took their shoes off, they came to a pond and the both of them jumped in the pond and started swimming around.
Well, they're out there having a ball.
They're swimming and they swam right past a whole school of alligators.
They didn't even pay any attention to them.
They thought they were crocodiles or violin cases.
Well, one of these alligators got loose.
Swam back on one of the cats and chopped off one of his little toes.
Just a little piece.
The cat yells, hey man, one of them alligators just chopped off a little piece of my little toe.
The cat says, which one?
The cat looked up and says, I don't know, man.
He says, all them alligators look alike.
Well, they finally got back to New York.
And they get up on the roof.
I'd like to continue this story, but right now we're going to cool it.
And we'll dig you in the next opus.
So until then, let's make it later.
Later, man.