I don't really get along as well with my wife as I pretend.
You ever do this?
You ever wanna say something to somebody
and then you don't say it,
and then like two months later it just comes spewing out
like
Tourette's and vomit?
Just, blah!
First time I met my wife's sister
was at her mother's 75th birthday.
They live up in Connecticut and we took the plane up.
And they're very wealthy and there's a big party
of 150 people at this huge house.
And we're at a table, a round table
of about 15 people down front.
And her sister is a published chef
and she owns a restaurant in Connecticut
and she owns a cooking school in France.
And she's married to a guy from France.
And she's a snob, but they're all snobs.
So I figured *, she'll be a snob probably.
She's a big old snob too.
Big old round and big old gal.
Big old taste everything that comes out of the kitchen
kind of a snob.
Kind of a big old round and big old gal.
Big and whoop-a, whoop-a.
Almost a stay home and go for the record kind of a snob.
And I was just making conversation and I said,
well I should come to Connecticut and do some shows.
And she goes,
oh I don't think anyone in Connecticut is
going to pay money to hear hillbilly comedy.
Well
I was raised in the south and I'm at my wife's mother's
birthday party and I'm not going to ruin this woman's day
because I can't hold my tongue and I don't say a word,
which I shouldn't and I don't.
A couple months I'm in a restaurant with
my wife having dinner and she's a foul,
foul mood.
And she goes,
you know there are some things about
your family that I just can't stand.
And I go, your sister's a big fat *.
Your sister's a big fat *.
Like Tourette's and vomit, man.
Your sister's a big fat *.
And I'm not sure exactly how loud I said it,
but every head in the restaurant goes, zzzz.
And the waiter brought the bread.
* this is going to be a long meal.
God I wish that was cake.