You're sort of famous
A minor celebrity
And so it only makes sense
The world would be
Obsessed with every
Single thing you do

They're running 'round
With their camcorders in the night
They lurk impatienly
In hope that they just might
See something really embarrassing
You do

The bad hair day and sweat-stained t-shirts
That's the story that
They are gonna feature
With exclusive pics
Of your flabby behind
You think you're all alone
But that's right when you'll find

A bunch of paparazzi
Popping out of nowhere
Cameras in your face
And then suddenly
You're on TMZ
You're on TMZ

Following you
When you're walking down the street
And asking stupid questions
While you're trying to eat
So you cover your face
Thinking to yourself
"Hey, isn't this creepy?"

And they are there praying
You'll have a big meltdown
And take a mono-lethal car chase
Through this whole town
They'll be there with you
When you're going to jail
First on the scene
For every wardrobe fail

You just picked up some transvestite
Seconds later
It's up on the website
Get a vegas wedding
A quickie divorce
And they'll be
Sneaking in
Snapping pictures, of course

And if they ever catch you
Picking your nose
Or storming down the street
In a drunken spree
You're on TMZ

Stalking you, just waiting by a frontal
Trailing you through
Airport security
They were TMZ

They were TMZ

[We caught this oscar nominee picking up DOG POOP
Is that a baby back there?
I pronounce you guilty, of leaving the house while FAT
Look Who's drinking COFFEE,
Everything celebrities do is FASCINATING]

Oh, let me tell you
It's getting to the point
Where a famous person can't
Even get a D.U.I
Or go on a racist rant
Those guys are all around
So you really shouldn't dare
Go to every club in town
If you just lost your underwear

Seems that every single time
A star decides to shave her hair
Or ram their car into a tree
They're on TMZ

If they catch you peeing in the bushes
Later on, that night
Well, I guarantee
You're on TMZ
You're on TMZ

You're on TMZ

Every single celebrity
Knows they're gonna be

They're on TMZ