It's so funny.
I got to hang out with my dad the other day.
I'm friends with my dad now, and I'm glad we waited.
I'm glad we didn't rush into it.
Is this your guy's father's son?
Oh, that's awesome.
I'm so happy to see that.
That's really great.
You guys got a good relationship?
That's really cool.
Has it always been cool?
Yeah?
Weird.
You say no?
Your dad's like, nah, this kid's * weird.
Keep buying him these homebrew kits and devil sticks,
and he just won't move out, man.
My dad brought me to a steakhouse for my birthday,
and it was a great place.
Weird building, though.
Inside, all over the walls were pictures of cows,
alive, just grazing at me
while I'm in a steakhouse eating their family,
and it's weird.
I don't need that.
I don't need that guilt.
I'm not here to see dinner at its happiest, you know?
That's like walking into a strip club
and seeing pictures of the dancer's childhood
all over the walls everywhere.
Wow.
I didn't know Sapphire played field hockey.
Wow.
She's aging terribly.
Did you ever witness, like, other phases of, like, growth?
Like, you ever watch kids turn into adults
and, like, watch people mature?
That's a weird thing.
That's a weird thing about being, getting older.
I witnessed something the other day.
I saw two little boys and a little girl
kind of, like, ease up into their next level of maturity,
and it was really a fascinating thing.
There were two little boys at the park
just throwing rocks at each other.
Just, boom, dodging them and throwing rocks and whatever,
and they were just being boys, having a great time.
Childhood, just childhood fun.
And then this really, really, like, hot little 11-year-old
came, like...
Not!
Not hot to me, but...
You know what I mean.
When you put yourself there, you're like,
jeez, if I was 11, yeah, I would totally...
And she just comes into one of the boys' plane of vision,
and he had a rock in his hand, and he had his grip,
and he was ready to throw it at his buddy,
and she just starts to hula hoop in front of him,
like, all hips and, like, yoga pants type thing.
She's just going at it.
And the...
The boy takes his, like, his view off his buddy
and starts looking at her.
And he's like, what?
You know, and he just...
The grip released on the rock,
and I could see him looking at her,
and I saw, you know, his eyes kind of...
Like, you know when you confuse a dog,
and they're like, whoa?
Like, you did one of those?
He's like, huh?
New thing?
And I'm watching them watch each other,
and I go, oh, my God,
this could be the beginning of a new family.
Like, they could go on and date forever
and have kids,
and talk about that time with the rocks.
And while I'm going through this thought process,
his buddy witnessed him watching her
and just drills him in the dick with a rock
as hard as he possibly could.
Snapped the kid right back.
I was like, there you go.
11 years old, he's already getting cock blocked.
How amazing is that?
Yeah.