Down in the jungle, ten million years B.C., was a big sweaty caveman in a coconut tree.
He had two sticks and he said, it's my conviction, I can make fire if I use a little friction.
He wrote and he wrote, then he started on his putty, said, great gosh almighty, don't that feel good?
Cos he was wanky, cos he was wanky, he was wanky.
People with a muscular grip, you put your hand on your hip, you let your backbone slip.
Goliath was a philistine, biggest ever seen. David was a short * and came from Gilda's Green.
Goliath went walking, tripped over his cock.
David went walking, tripped over his cock.
With a bloody great lump of rock.
And then he went and played his harp and wrote a load of psalms.
But that ain't the reason why he's got such big strong arms.
Cos he was wanky, cos he was wanky, he was wanky.
People like they say in the song, put your hand on your dong and it won't take long.
The Five Knuckle Shuffle is a wonderful song.
It's a wonderful creation.
It's a knob, knob, knob, knob, knob manipulation.
You can do it in the morning or the middle of the night.
And it can't be wrong if it feels so right when you're wanking.
When you're wanking.
Wanking people like you bloody well should.
Put your hands on your pud and it feels so good.
Ah!
Napoleon's sweetheart, Empress Josephine, had something she let him stick his bony part
between.
But when he took a wanking, he'd just switch out the light and say,
Sorry Josephine, tonight is not tonight.
He'd *** hold of his plonker and he'd commence to whack it.
And that's why he stood like that with his hand stuffed in his jacket.
He was wanking.
Cos he was wanking.
He was wanking people with a muscular grip.
You put your hand on your hip, you let your backbone slip.
Ah!
Cos he was wanking.
Cos he was wanking.
He was wanking people with a muscular grip.
You put your hand on your hip, you let your backbone slip.
Ah!
Ah!