The New Zealander exudes rugged gentility.
We're the permissive Puritans.
Our version of the permissive society is Patricia Bartlett trying to put pornography back under the counter,
where everyone can find it.
And the New Zealander knows how to deal with a criminal.
To stop him from getting to the scene of the crime, we'll confiscate his car,
take away the criminal's car, and you cut the crime rate.
And if crime continues, we can always cut off his legs as well.
For the New Zealander, crime means getting behind the wheel at a quarter past ten
for another bout of beat-the-breath-alizer on the way home.
Once, everyone could play money or the bag, but now we leave that to the traffic cops.
And when you get home, you'll find it's still cheaper to beat your wife than to smoke a joint.
In Parliament, our MPs, fortified with duty-free liquor, condemn marijuana.
After all, if God had meant us to take drugs,
he wouldn't have given us draft beer.
Good evening, and welcome to tonight's panel discussion.
The topic for discussion tonight is,
Sir Keith, should he be terminated within nine months?
Oh, sorry, that was last week's discussion.
This week's is, marijuana, should it be legalized for consenting addicts?
And first of all, to introduce the team,
we have that well-known housewife extraordinaire from Johnsonville, Mrs. McFadyen.
Hi.
Secondly, we have the National Party voice of Taupo, Mrs. Stevenson.
And third, third up, we have that well-known doctor and refugee, Eric Geiringer.
I am not a doctor, I am a medical politician.
Thank you.
And last, but by no means least, here she is herself,
Miss International.
Big hand.
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Well, Miss International, on behalf of the whole team,
might I just offer you our insincere congratulations.
Thank you.
It's been traffic. Everybody's so friendly.
Just like the whole world's my mother and father, you know.
What are we talking about?
Marijuana.
Oh, yes.
Now, to get the balls rolling, perhaps we could have one of the ladies.
Well, speaking of an ordinary housewife with a spluttering headache,
I just thought I'd say that if one of them hippies come near my shirley
with a shred of that stuff, I'd flay the eye off him.
The question we should be asking ourselves is,
is cannabis addictive?
Is it?
Is cannabis addictive?
Well, I have here some small samples of cannabis,
which I'd like to pass around to the panel,
and ask them to try it.
Everybody's so friendly.
Does anyone want any more?
No, thank you.
Then it's definitely not addictive.
The question we should be asking ourselves is,
is cannabis an aphrodisiac?
Is cannabis an aphrodisiac?
What's an aphrodisiac?
Everybody's so friendly.
Well, speaking as an ordinary housewife, I don't think it should be encouraged.
All this promiscuity can't be good for people.
What absolute nonsense. is very good for you.
I myself have a wonderful *** life and have *** every single morning just before I wake up.
But obviously your *** life is unsatisfactory.
Oh, Hib, you know I've got five children under the age of five and I'm not even a Catholic.
Mrs. Stevenson, ***?
Propaganda.
The question we should be asking ourselves is, what question should we be asking ourselves?
What question should we be asking ourselves?
Well, how about this?
How many viewers even know what cannabis looks like?
Is it this, this, or this?
If you answered yes to any of those, you're all out of your minds.
And here we have a small pot plant which is lent to us by Anderson's Pot Plants.
What does the team think of this one?
Not enough potas.
It's like buttercup.
Why doesn't that...
Pommy * go home.
I like it here.
Well, you know what they say.
One in five New Zealanders is mad.