I got pulled over the other day.
You know what cops hate?
Cops hate when you touch their faces.
I know.
I was as shocked as you were.
You should try this.
For real, try this.
If you're white,
if you're black,
don't * around.
No, for real.
We've seen the video.
We know how they do.
You know what I mean?
You know, just getting gas.
Wham!
On the hood.
Why *?
But if you're white, throw on a college shirt.
Have some fun.
This is what I'm telling you.
Carpe diem.
That's a white man phrase.
You don't hear that in rap songs.
This is what you got to do.
Okay?
When you get pulled over,
you know the cops,
they always do the walk to the window all,
excuse me.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
Don't guess.
I've done that before.
Weed?
My buddy's got a bag of heroin in his ass.
Check it out.
No, no, for real, for real.
No, if you don't get hard, you're not gay.
But no, that's for real.
I'm being serious.
I'm being serious.
For real.
I guessed one time.
I didn't say weed, obviously, because
I'm not a * *.
But I was like, expired tags.
And he was like, really?
This
is what you got to do.
Right when they come to your window.
But this has got,
this has
got to be like a really bold, swift power move.
Like a prison rape.
Have you ever been
in one of those?
Has anyone?
No, that's happened in the blink of an eye.
I'm being serious.
You go in the shower,
you * his ass,
and you go home.
Back to your cell.
Ass against
a wall.
Shank under the pillow.
That's how you sleep in prison, folks.
This has got to
be a power move.
Like a prison rape.
You don't go into a prison,
shower,
make an eye contact.
Hey, hey, hey.
I'm the new guy.
How does this work?
You want to * my ass and show me
first or?
I just drop it?
Whoa.
No. Power move.
You got me?
Power move.
White guys.
Power move.
He comes to the window.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
In the middle
of that sentence.
And it's best if you got some buddies in the car to help pull him off
of you.
But in the middle of that sentence.
And just don't lead on.
Just sit there.
Stand
forward.
Don't, window down.
Do you know why I pulled you over?
Right around the over.
When you hear that over,
take your finger, put it to his lips and go.
And hold it there.
Trust me, it's going to be silent.
Your boys will be like,
what the *'s he doing?
And you hold it.
That's power.
That is power.
It will be silent.
And just feel it.
Just stroke his mustache gently.
Just shh.
Shh.
And
then take off.
* works, I'm telling you.
I swear to God.
I swear to God.
He'll be on the side of the road for half an hour.
What the * just happened?
Oh God.
Oh God.
They'll be like telling stories.
No, for real.
Stuck his dick out.
Put it in the cops mouth and suck it, pig.
Because you know how stories blow up.