Front step, cha-cha-cha. Back step, cha-cha-cha. Side step, front step, back, and turn. Oh my god, Penny, there's Link! Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning! I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition! Front step, cha-cha-cha. Back step, cha-cha-cha. Side step, front step, back, and turn. Oh, Amber, look at this motley crew. Oh, this town sure has gone downhill since I was born. Oh, Mother, not more ancient history. Oh my god, how times have changed. These girls must be blind or completely deranged. But time seemed to halt when I was Miss Baltimore Grass. Amber, that move is far too dirty. Mother, wake up from that dream of yours. This isn't 1930. You can love, but life's a test. Don't do this, don't do that, remember? Mother knows best for the crowns and the vaults from when I won Miss Baltimore Grass. These steps are perfect ammunition. Let me show you how your mommy dear took out the competition. Girls, go get them. Boys, let's rumba. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Those poor runner-ups might still hold some grudges. They powdered their cups, but I screwed the judges. Those broads thought they'd win if a plate they would spin in their dads. Not a chance. Boys, put me down. Oh, good morning, ladies. Let's see what you got. Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato mambo. Ready? Begin. On my show, you'll never find a thrusting hip or bumping back. What's that dance for fleas and ticks? Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks. Oh, I hit the stage, but tons of blaze. While belting Aida and preparing for play. That triple somersault is how I clinched Miss Baltimore ***. Proceed. Are you scared we're online? No, I'm sure I can cope. Well, this show isn't broadcasted. Cinema school. I never drank one chocolate malt. No dessert for Miss Baltimore crabs. This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes. Kid, she'll never get a date with Addie Beiler in her nose. I would say, oh, I give up, if I wasn't Miss Baltimore crabs. Do you dance like you dress? Amber, there's no need to be cruel. Would you swim in an integrated pool? I sure would. I'm all for integration. It's the new frontier. Not in Baltimore, it isn't. And may I be frank? First impressions can be tough, and when I saw you, I knew it. If your size weren't enough, your last answer just blew it. And so, my dear, so short and stout. You'll never be in, so we're kicking you out. With your form and your face, oh, but this is your fault. You're just down with a case of myth. Miss Baltimore crabs. You may go. Um, thank you. I think they secretly liked you. May I please audition? Of course not. But you may bow and exult. Cause I am Miss Baltimore crabs. Crabs!