I'm not mad at her. I just want her to not hurt herself, which is what she's doing. But I don't want to be. Maddie says I'm distressed And my head's too clouded to be smart right now So if I had to guess By spring I'll realize she was right and hate myself Sabotage something good out of fear I know you'll show up in painful dreams Want you back once you're no longer here Born with the talent to ruin things Oh, this habit, I should fix it I always mess things up, I admit it I'm not the girl that you think you want And you'd hate me too if I was ever honest I got used to the secrecy It's safer in the in-between I lied until you wanted me It's safer in the in-between I just want you to be happy Oh, I'm so selfish Punish myself with the soul-crushing knowledge I willingly lost it No, I'll regret it And die just a little It's what I do best Sitting right in the middle Oh, this habit, I should fix it I always mess things up, I admit it Not the girl that you think you want And you'd hate me too if I was ever honest Oh, this habit, I should fix it I always mess things up, I admit it I'm not the girl that you think you want And you'd hate me too if I was ever honest I got used to the secrecy It was thrown off by your honesty You're not ashamed in wanting me I can't trust what I've never seen A nervous heart is taunting me I'm slowly starting to believe It's cold and dark and lonely I hate it in the in-between