Mary had a little lamb, she tied it to a pylon
Ten thousand volts shot up its *
And turned its wool to nylon
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Caressing his cock and his balls
Along came his mum and shouted
By gum, you'd better wipe that off the walls
Simple Simon
Simple Simon
Simple Simon
a pie man going to the fair
said simple Simon to the
pie man what have you got there
said the pie man to
simple Simon pies
*
there was a young man from Nantucket
took a pig in a thicket to * it
said the pig with a
sneer get away from my rear
come around to the front and I'll suck it
the gong
it was sounded for breakfast
thank you
by the butler so portly
and stout and ma heaved in sight
with a pot full of shite and dad
with his knob hanging out
you're behaving quite nicely said mother
though seldom it's my way to jest
manners be buggered said father
and I've got it * up again
oh
*
two three four
I'll be there
I'll be there
I'll be there
I'll be there
I've forgotten it again two three four
the gong it was sounded for breakfast
the gong it was sounded for breakfast
thank you
by the butler so portly




By the butler so portly and stout
And Ma heaved in sight with a pot full of shite
And Dad with his knob hanging out
I've got that far, I've got that far
You're behaving quite nicely, said Mother
Though seldom it's my way to boast
Manners be buggered, said Father
And he tossed himself off in the toast
And then Peter he pissed in the pepper
And Spencer he spunked in the spoon
And Mother let start such a hell of a fart
That Father could scarce keep the tune
And then Sean shoved a sausage up Susie
And laughed loud and long at the joke
And right after that, Grandad shat in his hat
So the baby could play with the smoke
Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to recite
The two most obscene limericks in the whole world
Ladies and gentlemen
Starting with the all-comers champion
And working down
Because this is totally disgusting
There was a young fellow from Wales
Who lived on a diet of snails
And when he couldn't get these
He lived on the cheese
That he scratched from his knob with his nails
Two
One
Two
Three

Four
Five
Six
Seven






Thirteen
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Three
Three
Four






Four