Colin Quinn.
Let's give a round of applause for a very funny guy,
Ahmed Ahmed.
Give it up for him folks.
That's it everybody, let him know.
Well for the record,
my name really is Ahmed Ahmed and I can't fly anywhere.
It's a bad time to be named Ahmed and
my name is Ahmed Ahmed so it's real bad.
In fact if you go to google.com and punch in my name Ahmed Ahmed,
my name comes up on the FBI's most wanted list.
There's a terrorist out there using my name.
So I gotta find him.
It's ruining my game.
So
as you know it's probably a really hard time for
me to try to fly these days with the name Ahmed.
In fact I gotta get to the airport a month
and a half early just to catch my flight.
It's gotten really bad.
In fact I read a statistic that said hate crimes against Arabs
and Muslims went up over a thousand percent right after 9-11.
Which still put us in fourth place behind blacks,
gays and Jews.
It's true.
So what do we gotta do man?
I'm just saying we can't even win in hatred.
They pulled me off the plane I was trying to fly United
Airlines and I actually got pulled off the plane.
Mr. Ahmed we have some questions we want to ask you.
We don't have to pull you off the plane.
Ticket counter, true story.
Go down to the ticket counter and show the woman my ID.
Same reaction every time she does one of these.
Mr. Ahmed where are you flying this afternoon?
I looked at her and I said I have a
one-way ticket to paradise my friend.
Mr. Ahmed did you pack your bags yourself?
Yes. Anybody ask you to carry anything
since you've been in the airport?
Nope.
Have your bags left your sight since you've been in the airport?
Nope.
You're under arrest.
Code red, code red.
You've got a sand monkey at terminal 4. Code red,
sand monkey at terminal 4.
And he's a hairy one.
Get over here quickly.
Terminal 4 we'll be right there.
We're still searching this black guy,
this gay guy and this Jew.