Out of my way!
Because everyone turns into a jerk at an SUV.
They're like, I don't need a blinker!
Remember 15 years ago when they were like,
stop buying SUVs, everyone.
They're wasteful and bad for the environment.
And we were like, okay.
I'd like to buy an SUV.
No, I have a reason.
I don't care.
I don't own an SUV.
I don't even own a car because I'm a good person.
No, I live in New York City and I have five kids,
so I just have them carry me around.
I know nothing about cars.
I come from a car family.
My dad loved cars.
My brothers love cars.
They talk about cars.
They go to car shows.
My brothers pay to look at cars.
They will never drive.
And I thought strip clubs were weird.
Most of the accessories are wasted on me.
I've never used cruise control.
The heated seats, I always feel like I just wet myself.
Oh, this is nice.
Can we swing by the emergency room?
I think this is also a symptom of a stroke.
When I go home to Indiana, I always rent a car.
My brother Mitch is always like,
what kind of car are you renting?
I'm like, it's blue.
Is that four or six cylinders?
Blue.
Blue.
I do know that the most manly form of transportation,
is a pickup truck.
Because my brother Mike has a pickup truck,
and he's a real man.
And at this point,
pickup truck commercials give me anxiety.
You can tow one ton.
You can tow two tons.
You can tow an aircraft carrier.
Why?
Why would you need that?
I only see it going to Cracker Barrel.
Well.
Well.
Well.
Well.
Well.













The people that drive pickups,
they want to be associated with the work ethic.
And based on that, I should drive a bread truck.
I was with my brother Mike at a plant nursery,
and I was like, hey, if I buy a small tree,
can I put it in the back of your truck?
And he's like, no, you'll get the bed dirty.
And I realized something.
Everyone I know who owns a pickup truck
is not picking anything up.
It's like walking around with a big empty suitcase.
Are you going on a trip?
No, but I'm the type of guy who would.
Ram tough.
Ram tough.