I got hired to work in North Carolina, which is a beautiful place.
If you don't live in North Carolina, it's kind of inconvenient, though, because they keep it pretty far away from where I live.
And it was a lunchtime event, so I had to wake up extra early, and then I had a long drive to go to get there on time.
It's a six, seven hour drive, and so I got up early, had extra coffee, which is a great idea.
Unless you happen to have a bladder, which I do, and it's tremendous.
I'm driving down there, and my clock is telling me, just go, just keep going.
But my bladder is telling me to stop, stop.
So there was a rest stop, and I pulled over, and I stopped.
But I didn't rest, right?
I ran to the men's room, closed for repairs, okay?
But the women's room was open.
Now, I didn't bring my birth certificate with me on this particular trip to North Carolina.
But there was no one around, and so I went into the ladies' room.
Now, the government is in charge of the freeways and the rest stops, and I was standing there facing the toilet,
and I realized, oh, maybe some federale is going to come by and look under the stall
and see that my feet are pointed toward.
Or the toilet, right?
So I turn around, and I sat down and did it like a lady, and I'll tell you, it was a revelation.
I had two free hands and my phone.
I replied to some e-mails, checked the scores in my stocks,
sent out a couple tweets.
I've never been so productive in my life.
And that's how the North Carolina House Bill 2 changed my life forever
because now I make peepee ladies' style, and I get stuff done.
I was in Bryce Canyon in southern Utah.
Wow.
Some of you been there?
If you haven't been there, it's these red sandstone arches and towers.
It's where they filmed the Roadrunner cartoons.
Back when they filmed cartoons on location.
Before all the animal rights protesters came in
and shut down the Acme Rocketskate Company once and for all.
And it's beautiful, but it's Utah, so they say it's be Utahful.
Well, it's not be Utahful when you're camping in a slot canyon
and there's a cloudburst, flash flood, they kicked us all out.
I had to get a hotel, nothing fancy, just a room in this little mom and pop
and mom and mom and mom and mom.
And mom and mom.
And mom place.
Mom place.
Why do you think they're called more moms?
Why do you think they're called more moms?