My wife and I think different things are funny.
That story being a perfect example.
Actually, she doesn't think anything's funny.
I do.
She thinks Cosmopolitan Magazine is a serious magazine.
And I think it's the funniest rag on the planet.
And that's an impasse.
The other day there was a copy of Cosmo sitting
on the table and I was reading the cover stories
on the front of it and I was just laughing.
And she walks by and she goes, what's so funny?
Like I did something wrong, you know?
And I said,
I was just reading the stories on the front of this magazine.
I thought they were funny.
I thought they might fit in my show.
She reads them and she goes,
that's not funny.
How would I know?
Why would I even have an opinion on what
might be found humorous in America today?
Certainly not my line of work.
I sell shrimp out of a van.
His secret pleasure zone.
It's not a secret.
Ladies,
if you don't know where your man's secret pleasure zone is,
you need to be wearing Wolverine steel-toed boots.
40 girly moves that drive him crazy.
Touch his pleasure zone.
Touch it 40 times.
And here's a clue.
It's our dick.
I
picked this magazine up and I start thumbing through it
and I found an article on how to get your man aroused.
And it was funny.
It was written by a doctor.
So some of you will learn a new word here.
I know I did.
He said, flick his fringulum.
Then in parentheses,
it says the small nodule of skin beneath
the head of the penis with the flat
part of your tongue.
It doesn't matter.
What part of the tongue you flick his fringulum with?
It doesn't even have to be his fringulum.
Put your tongue on his dick and see if things
don't just work out great for the two of you.
You can flick his fringulum with a newspaper
and it would probably work.
One of the reasons I'm still married to my wife
is she can flick my fringulum with her * tonsils.
And that's what I'm looking for in a fringulum flicking.
I call her my friend Flicka.
Get over here Flicka.
I got a sugar cube and an apple.