And if you want comedy, there is always Sarah Palin. God bless. She is wonderful. Sarah is a self-opening piñata. She is a gift. How did they find her? Was it Project Running Mate? Is that how they got her? Did Ronald Reagan have a kid with Vanna White and drop it off in Alaska? And it was raised by wolves and that's why she hunts them? You're not my dad! You're not my dad! And she says amazing things like, I know about Russia because I can see it from my backyard. You have supervision, number one. And I can see San Quentin from my backyard, but that doesn't qualify me on prison reform. What the ***? It's incredible, too. She said polar bears are not endangered. They're just unlucky. Oh, really? And who knew Katie Couric was the cutting edge of journalism with ambush questions like, What do you read? Well, yeah. That's a trick question. Not if you read, no. You know the basic difference between her and Cheney? She shoots you, game over. She will have you gutted and standing on the wall next to Barbara Walters like. And the last few days of the election, she got really ***y. She let the hair down. I thought the last day of the election she was going to pop the Prada and be like, Yeah! How do you like my northern slopes now, boys? Drill, baby, drill, baby, drill. And you think the whole time she was running for office, Clinton was sitting at home going, Where was she when I was in office? ***. Goddamn. She is hot. Whoa. That's a milf. That's a mother I'd like to filibuster, yeah. And Bill did some good work recently. He went to North Korea, got the two girls home. Way to go, Bill, way to go. Way to go. Good job. But I wanted to be in the room when Kim Jong-il came in the room and went, So, Bill Clinton, you bring me the pictures I ask you for? I have on my big boy glasses. I want those pictures and Clay Aiken. What do you want, Clay Aiken? I want Clay Aiken. You know why I want Clay Aiken. That's how I roar, roar. That's how I roar, roar. That's what I like. And you think when Bill got back from North Korea and Hillary got back from Africa, that was kind of a rough dinner when Hillary went, Bill, congratulations on North Korea. Well, baby, it was a happy ending. ***, wrong words. Come again, Bill? Not this time, baby, not this time. And people got mad at Hillary that she didn't go trailer park on Bill's ass during the Monica Lewinsky thing, that she didn't start throwing his *** on the White House lawn like, Bill Clinton, you lying sack of ***. How could you find the only Jewish girl who couldn't get a stain out, you ***? Damn you. And he'd be on the lawn like an episode of Cops going, I love you, baby. Depends on what your definition of he is is. And when Hillary ran for president, there were a lot of guys going, I don't know about a woman president. What are you worried about? You're worried about every 28 days she'd be going, I can't talk to Putin, not today. I'm just gonna balance my budget and watch my stories. She's in her 60s, she has her own global warming right now, number one. She is one tough-ass woman. And you don't necessarily want ***y. I know when Sarah ran, a lot of guys are going, she energizes my base. Yeah, all right. You know, ***y and world leaders, not necessarily the case, especially with female world leaders. Throughout history, Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Golda Meir, Indira Gandhi. These are women you may not want to ***, but you definitely don't want to *** with them. They are scary women. Oh, my God. Woo! And if you don't think a woman can handle a military situation, ask the Argentinians. They were going, Margaret Thatcher, that crazy coño sank a battleship. She is nuts. She was like Julia Childs on steroids going, I will sink your *** right now. I will open a can of whoop-ass on you, little brown man. I will do it right now. And you have to look at the English royal family and realize, all that money and no dental plan. How sad. So sad, indeed. But if you want *** and politics, the French are always there to top everyone. The French have a president, Sarkozy, whose wife ***ed Mick Jagger. Way to go. The French look at the Americans like, top that, little Puritans. Take care. And I believe there's one man we could run for office and even the French would go, *** off. That man is Jack Nicholson. Yes! Oh, yeah, baby. He's nuts. You'll never have a *** scandal with Jack because he has ***ed everyone. I had Angelina Jolie and afterwards she adopted me. What? And he's done every drug known to mankind. He'd be the only guy in the world that Keith Richards would go, I have to go home now, Jack. No, I really do. He's ***ing over. Where are you running, you pussy? Get back here.
