I did marry a man with the same first name as my dad.
Yeah, I can't call him Tom in the bedroom.
That's my dad's name, right?
So I try to get creative with it.
I call him something different, something unique, like Dad.
As much as I said, like, oh, I'm not in a rom-com,
I guess I kind of am in a rom-com a little bit
because my husband is a British man,
which women who watch rom-coms love.
They're like, oh, my God, British, British.
Your life must be like Bridgerton every day.
And I think it's really cute
because it's a little bit more like I'm in the cast of Shrek, right?
He's grumpy, he's smelly, he has layers.
I'll let you figure that out.
But I do think that we in America,
we put British people on this pedestal
because of the royal family and Downton Abbey, right?
We think they're all so fancy and so bourgeoisie,
and I'm here to tell you tonight, it's not the case, okay?
England has a Florida as well.
You know?
Like, my husband is from this part of England
where there's more sheep than people per square capita, okay?
Their nickname is Sheep Shaggers
because it's more likely for you to * a sheep
than another person, okay?
So basically, I went abroad, ooh, you know,
to marry somebody from southern Indiana.
Like, I could have just stayed home, but...