I can already see how a child can really take its toll
on a marriage because the baby hasn't even come out yet.
And I am already so resentful towards my husband.
So much resentment, especially when he asks me
to do * around the house.
Hey, can you wash the dishes?
No!
Can you water the plants?
I'm not doing jack * anymore.
I'm busy making an eyeball, okay?
Are you making a foot?
I didn't think so.
You changed the channel.
I can already see how there's like this crazy double standard
in our society of how it takes so little
to be considered a great dad.
And it also takes so little to be considered a shitty mom.
People praise my husband for coming
to all of my doctor's appointments with me.
Oh my God, I can't believe he comes
to all your doctor's appointments.
He is so supportive.
Guess who else has to go to those doctor appointments?
Me!
I'm the star of the show.
There is nothing for the camera to see if I'm not there.
But he's the hero for playing candy crush
while I get my blood drawn.
Meanwhile, if I do mushrooms seven months pregnant,
I'm a bad mommy.
You know, I, I like...
I berate my husband.
on like a daily basis.
Partially because I really am mad at him,
but mostly at a survival,
because if he leaves me, I'm *.
So I have to chip away at his self-esteem
on a daily basis
to keep him down
so that he doesn't believe
that he's worthy of another woman's affection
and leaves me.
I gotta keep him around by keeping him down.
People don't tell you about all this *
that goes down with your body
when you get pregnant, you know?
Your nipples get huge and dark.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that they get dark
so that the baby can see like a bullseye,
so that the baby can find it easier.
And then, you know, they get big, like fingers,
like, you, you, you owe me money, you.
My nipples look like
whoppers now and naked.
I look like a minion.
But I'm not gonna be one of those crazy pregnant ladies
who tries to get all back in shape
right after they get pregnant.
No.
Hopefully, if you see me in a year,
I will have the kind of body
where if I do a *** scene on television,
people will commend me for being courageous.
For doing it.