Nothing can beat being a professional victim,
Making you richer today.
Claiming a crime from decades ago,
Everyone believes what you say.
Nothing can beat being a professional victim,
A sob in your voice and a tear in your eye,
Revenge or delusion,
the world's at your feet,
When you break down and cry.
Who can disprove your terrible story,
After all it was so long ago?
You truly deserve all the cash compensation,
The sympathy and attention that come from high and low,
Nothing can beat being a professional victim,
Cause no one could doubt your pain,
And if they do,
you'll relate it again and again.
It needn't be ancient if you say it just happened,
And it's only their word against yours,
You'll discover a legion of organisations,
Specialising in opening doors with new laws,
Nothing can beat being a professional victim,
Brush cynics away like dead flies,
And the genuine victims can suffer in silence from your lies.