You can read it in a paper, or watch it on the news Everybody's got the pre-apocalyptic blues You better be ready when the *** goes down You better head on down to Costco Get you a buggy full of rice and beans You'll supply a two-ply for your composting latrine So you'll be ready when the *** goes down Don't hesitate, don't procrastinate or you'll all be running scared There ain't no second chances for the braver impaired Did you know there's a couple of commies hiding underneath your bed? And the zombies gonna eat up all the brains in your head I got a Rambo knife with a compass and ballistic bug-out bag Got an AK-47, about a hundred extra mags I'm gonna be ready when the *** goes down You know what I'm talking about You better head on down to Costco Get you a buggy full of rice and beans You'll supply a two-ply for your composting latrine So you'll be ready when the *** goes down You better head on down to Costco Ices and Alcatraz, about a billion rich I need You say you ain't worried, and I say honky please You better be ready when the *** goes down By my Jacuzzi, there's an Uzi and an RPG Got a Stinger missile mounted on my SUV They won't get to me, no matter who they are I got landmines buried all over my yard Cause I read it in the paper, I watched it on the news And now I got the cryptic, pre-apocalyptic blues Gonna be ready when the *** goes down Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down? Yeah, will you be ready when the *** goes down?