That's the problem with it being so, like, scientific and medical,
is you just can't find * like a $30 ounce of * anymore.
You got to get this, like...
I don't want to meet Jesus every time I smoke, you know?
Like, I run out of questions for the big guy, you know?
Sometimes I just want to pull seeds and sticks out on a Frisbee
to an Allman Brothers album and just *...
go for a hike.
Yeah.
I asked the kid, I was like,
do you have a dollar store I could start at, maybe?
Just pace yourself, brother, pace yourself.
And the * edibles.
You got the edibles in the Burlington store?
That's dangerous, huh?
No wonder people are scared.
They have Tootsie Rolls called Cheepa-Chews, okay?
One * Tootsie Roll is four doses.
So, when's...
Whenever in your life did you eat a Goddard
goddamn quarter of a Tootsie Roll?
Right?
I think the least I've ever eaten in a sitting was, like, 11.
Now I'm going to be at Bonnaroo
and this thing's going to melt in my pocket
and I'm going to be like, oh, I needed a little sliver.
No, I'm going to * eat paper and all.
Down it goes.
Next thing you know, I'm hiding in a bush somewhere,
* counting backwards from 100.
It's scary.
But it's good.
We need to legalize it.
It's got to be fully full-blown legal, right?
I mean, you guys with me on that?
How stupid that it isn't.
Makes no sense.
Cigarettes are legal, but weed's illegal.
Is that not the stupidest, most dangerous logic?
That's like, hey, we're going to legalize rape,
but hugs are out of the question.
There's no place in society for hugs.
Medical high-fives.
That's all you get.
People still call it a gateway drug.
People still call it a gateway drug.
You think it's a gateway drug?
No?
See, you thought about it for a minute.
I've thought about this.
I think it's a gateway drug.
Alcohol is, too.
They're both gateways to very different evenings.
And that's, you just got to decide.
Which gate you want to go down.
This is choose-your-own-adventure, man.
You know?
Weirdest thing I'm doing on weed,
I'm going to write a children's book on a pizza box.
You know?
Like, that's...
You give me too much whiskey,
I'm blowing coke off a stripper's dick fast.
Better be good whiskey.
Good.
Good.
Good.