One, two, three, Santa.Oh, come on!Dad.It's Christmas Eve, you're staying up till midnightThe older one's asleep, but brother's not tiredDad was wrapping gifts throughout the nightCause Santa's lateHe snoozed the alarm, got drunk with the elves againAnd Rudolph's party friendsCoffee machine that Nathan never neededIt's not the dress that Sally Ann had wantedHe said decorations come earlier each yearBut if that were trueBut now they're goneThey'd be going up in April or MayOr June or JulyAnd underneathA plastic mistletoeGrandpa lies asleepHis teeth hanging looseSelection boxOf all the fun sizesStuck behind the sofaYeahIt's stuck behind the sofaCakes and soaps and candles with free shippingTable angels dizzy, they just keep spinningJesus, oh, will wash away your sinsA gift for himSteak, dinner, Prosecco, football club, stadium tourFor daddy and a friendAnd just behindThe way she made a schoolA shadow wasted tooScreeping down the hallSelection boxOf all the fun sizesStuck behind the sofaIt's stuck behind the sofaSteak, dinner, Prosecco, football club, stadium tourA gift for himAnd underneathUnderneath the plastic mistletoeGrandpa lies asleep, his teeth hanging looseSelection thoughts of all the fun sizesHe's stuck behind the sofaHe's stuck behind the sofaHe's stuck behind the sofaHe's stuck behind the sofa