The pandemic did make me contemplate my mortality.
I just know when I go, I want it over quick.
Like if I'm in a plane crash, I want the plane to explode midair.
I was reading about this one plane crash.
This plane was flying at 30,000 feet, 30,000 feet.
And then it started a nosedive.
The plane nosedived for three minutes.
Three minutes!
Brutal!
That's a long time.
You know, for the first minute, everyone on that plane was like,
Ah!
But eventually,
after like 60 seconds, they were like,
Ah!
Is anyone having water?
I didn't really pace out my dying scream.
Three minutes, that's a long time.
You know, someone on that plane rang the flight attendant button.
Ding!
Do you know how long until we crash?
Does this mean I can get a free drink?
That's long enough for passengers to get on each other's nerves.
When you scream, can you not *** my armrest?
Look, I'll kill you before we even crash.
Maybe the pilot came over the intercom.
Hey everyone, it's your captain here.
Just wanted to thank you for choosing to fly with us.
Special shout out to our silver medallion members.
You would have heard,
We're in 2,000 miles on today's flight,
but it looks like we're not going to quite reach 700.
Our flight attendant, Betty, has been with the airline for 31 years.
It appears today is her last day.
You can go ahead and take your phone off of airplane mode.
Heck, I've taken the plane off of airplane mode.
At this point, we're just a metal box hurling towards the earth.
We should have you back on the ground in about seven seconds.
Was that too dark?
It's going to get worse.
Right?