We've only met online,
but we are soulmates all the same
Though I'm guessing Desperate Single Girl is not your actual name
Your profile touched me where it counts,
so here's my virtual calling card
And as you hold it in your hand,
think about me long and hard
When you go to bed at night,
before you snuff your smartphone light
Read this note and then swipe right to picture me
It may have given you a start,
this tutumescent work of art
But it reveals what's in my heart, so picture me
Though it's dimly lit and grainy,
this vision from afar
Almost varicosely veiny,
it's my gift to you
Whoever you are,
it may seem forward,
that is true
I can send one taken sideways too Either
shows how I want you to picture me
Poorish fellows may have fixed their photos just to get some kicks
But I'm not like those other dicks,
so picture me
I could have set a slower pace,
but why not cut right to the chase
And let me get all in your face, just picture me
As for size,
no prize I'd win,
dear,
I'm ungainly,
blunt,
and red
But it's not shame or chagrin,
dear,
that's making the blood
Rush to my head,
and if you succumb to my allures
It's only fair as love matures
I've shown you mine, now show me yours, yes,
picture me
If in spite of my entreaty,
you choose to pass me by
I will find another, sweetie,
one whose standards aren't so high
There's plenty more where you came from
To reach out to till my thumbs go numb
Ready or not, girls, here I come Ooh, that's it
You