Now they make new movies in old black and white

With happy endings, where nobody fights

So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage

Honey, jump right up and show your age I wish I had a pencil thin mustache

The Boston Blackie kind

A two toned Ricky Ricardo jacket

And an autographed picture of Andy Devine I remember bein' buck-toothed and skinny

Writin' fan letters to Sky's niece Penny

Oh, I wish I had a pencil thin mustache

Then I could solve some mysteries too Then it's Bandstand, Disneyland, growin' up fast

Drinkin' on a fake I.D.

Yeah, and Rama of the jungle was everyone's Bawana

But only jazz musicians were smokin' marijuana Yeah, I wish I had a pencil thin mustache

Then I could solve some mysteries too Then it's flat top, dirty bob, coppin' a feel

Grubbin' on the livin' room floor, so sore

Yeah, they send you off to college, try to gain a little knowledge

But all you want to do is learn how to score Yeah, but now I'm gettin' old, don't wear underwear

I don't go to church and I don't cut my hair

But I can go to movies and see it all there

Just the way that it used to be That's why I wish I had a pencil thin mustache

The Boston Blackie kind

A two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket

And an autographed picture of Andy Devine Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be

Maybe suave Errol Flynn or the Sheik of Araby

If I only had a pencil thin mustache

Then I could do some cruisin' too Yeah, Bryl-cream, a little dab'll do

Oh, I could do some cruisin' too