I'm excited to be here. I didn't know if I was going to make it here because there was an accident on the big road where I live on the way to the airport.
And if I missed my flight, then I wouldn't be here. And I don't think anybody got hurt.
But I'm lucky to be here tonight. All right. Almost as lucky as you are.
But not everybody knows how to drive on the big road. So I thought I would maybe tell you.
So why don't you sit down and listen up? All right. The big road is a tapestry of lanes.
There's a passing lane. And when you want to pass someone, you get in the passing lane and you pass them.
It's pretty simple when you think about it. But not everybody does.
Because if you're in the passing lane and cars in the slow lane are going faster than you, you, my friend, are a hole in the tapestry.
OK. You're a pass hole.
And maybe you should spend your time on the little roads. OK.
I told you I'm not the best driver. And I remember this one time.
Robert Frost once told me a story about taking a fork in the road. Yes, he did.
He said two roads diverge in the wood. And I took the one less traveled by. Blah, blah, blah. I'm paraphrasing.
But when you're on the big road, you get in the passing lane.
But on the big road, sometimes people see a lane next to them open up and they think it's a fork in the road and they got to take the fork in the road.
So they'll be in this lane for a minute and this lane opens up and they get into that lane for three seconds and they realize there's an opening back here in the lane where they were.
And so they get back in that lane. Hey, just because it's a tapestry doesn't mean you have to weave the whole time. All right.
Stupid forker. I told you I'm not that strong of a driver.
Robert Plant of the Led Zeppelins once told me a story about taking a fork in the road.
Yes, he did. He said, yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder. Yeah, it makes me wonder how you got your driver's license in the first place, because between you pass holes or crawling in the wrong lane and you forkers who are darting back and forth, leaving behind a trail of swears and middle fingers.
It takes me forever to get to my job of being a professional communicator, of which being good at, I am one of them guys.
I am. I'm a motivational speaker and I'm really good.
I speak to people and five minutes later, they're on their feet, motivated out of the building to do something better with their lives.
Sometimes they're even running.
I have the key that unlocks doors in people's minds.
Why do you think they call me?
Dorky.
OK, I because my mom keeps my Star Wars action figures locked up in another room.
No, that's just a coincidence.
It's because I open doors in people's minds and I bust tables at Applebee's.
I motivate people to do good things and I wean them off their bad habits.
I'm a huge wiener.
You can go online, Google it up and tell me what you see.
Probably moi.