Hello there
Welcome to the show
No, we're not going to play cheapness
That's right
But we are collecting underpants
And we are collecting brassieres
We are collecting small articles of feminine underclothing
We are making a quilt
Really
Trust me
So here's the deal
If you're a girl and you're wearing a dress
Whip them off, that's it, see
No problem
Even with a pin, what does it say?
Nobody's perfect, I guess so
What do we got here?
Oh
Let's see what's on the inside
Okay
Uh-huh, trainer coos, okay
Some more, some more
Underpants, brassieres, just send them up
No problem
Oh, you'll warm up to it
If you're wearing pants and you have bikinis on underneath your pants
Rip the edges and pull them out
If you're wearing those big ol' ugly cotton jobs
Go to the toilet and take them off, okay
So far, ladies and gentlemen
The response from this particular community
Has not been especially gratifying
I'm sorry for that
Perhaps you're a little bit too intellectual here
Here's something
Tasteful, very tasteful
You'll get into it
Hey
Oh, Samar, look
It's almost like going to, uh
Well, never mind
I just want to remind you
That you are in direct competition
With Chicago
Which so far has produced
The highest yield
Of female underclothes
Of any place in the United States
Oh, here's one
Thank you very much
Chicago, if you'll recall
Was the town in which we received
The very famous voodoo butter underpants
The pants that nearly broke
Tom's pants
Tommy Mars' neck
As soon as he took a whiff of those
His head went back this far
And he was heard to mutter
Jesus
So, we don't care what kind of condition they're in
What do we got here?
* book, okay
Uh-huh, very good
Seats, what do you got here?

What do you think?
He already has that one
No problem, though
Well, tonight you're going to be entertained by
Ike Willis on guitar and vocals
Tommy Mars on keyboards
And Jesus
Jesus
You're also going to be entertaining yourselves a little bit
But don't worry about it
Steve Vai on guitar, vocals, and light blue hair
And other contestants over there
Oh, some more?
Okay
Vinnie Caliuta on booklet
What does this say?
Hi, Frank, how about
What does this say?
My hat from the first
How about wearing my hat?
Wearing?
How about this?
This is a college community, right?
How about wearing?
W-E-R-E-I-N-G
Never mind
Arthur Barrow on bass
Bob Harris on keyboards, high vocal, trumpet, and vegetables
And ladies and gentlemen, the world
The famous Ray White on guitar and vocals
Okay, you ready?
All right