Raise guitar, broke.No, we won't play ride, we won't play anything.We'll play the theme from the Dinah Shore show.Who wants to be Dinah Shore?Who's alter ego is Dinah Shore?Oh, his fists didn't go up so quickly this time.Yawn.Yawn.Yawn.Put them headphones on, it's bebop time.I want to tell you a story about the last time I was in Portland.The night before we played at the Long Goodbye, I was walking on the street about 10.30 at night.A lot of people go to bed around here at 10.30 at night.And when I got home, I was like, I'm going to bed.Well, I was walking along, and suddenly these jocks in this bright blue pickup drove up.They had KC lights, tractor tires, everything but the CB.It was a life-size Hot Wheels car for some dumb rich kid, right?Well, they drove up to me, and they yelled what some rich kids usually yell.They swaggered and showered me with some water.So, I stood there thinking, what a bunch of fuckheads, and picked up a rock.Now, I waited, walked down about a block to where the Kentucky Fried Chicken is, on Burnside,and sure enough, they drove around again.They said, hey, Saget, where's the nearest McDonald's?I said, I don't know, and they squirted me again.So, I threw the rock.And put a nice-sized tip in their giant Hot Wheels car.They screeched to a halt in the parking lot of some department store's name I don't remember.It's up the street from Fred Meyer.And they got out their clubs, and they ran after me.Yo, we're going to kill you, goddamn faggot!We're going to kill you, motherfucker!So, I got in the phone booth by the Kentucky Fried Chicken on Burnside.Held my legs straight out like this, so they couldn't open the door to the phone booth.So, they began charging the phone booth, beating on it with their club.Yelled, we're going to kill you, motherfucker!We're going to kill you, you goddamn faggot!I just looked at them.So, there was a crowd gathering by this time, and these kids were standing there, and they said,oh, look at him, he's insane!I thought, oh, he's insane!Aha!Here's my way out!I yelled at them, take me to a mental hospital right away!I want to be put away!Please put me away!Come on, call the cops and put me away!Please put me away, now!They said, all right, faggot!We're calling the police!So, they called the police.The cop comes out, and I go, oh, my savior, I'm away from these jocks.He opens up the door, get out of there, you!Throws me up against the car, frisks me, shoves me in the back.Then he goes over to the jocks.Now, what happened here?It looks like we're going to have to take him to jail, but we've got to have the full story first.So, the jocks, they had an ace in the hole.Ace in the hole, take down on the bass, move it down on the bass.Yeah.Ace in the hole, they go, well, goddamn this motherfucker put a dent in my truck!It's my $1000 truck, right?So, I got my club, I went out, and I wanted to kill him!I want to kill him!Let me kill him, goddamn it!Let me kill him!So, the cop made them go home.And he drove me home.And he confiscated their club, and my rock is further evident.And I thought, so this is Oregon, huh?Tolerant Oregon!Ray, you done with your guitar yet?He hasn't cut yet.So, what else do you want to hear?I'm out of stories.That's a true story, too.Just ask Drew Sluice......