1.42am
July 17
You still show up first in my call
I
keep it safe like a pressed flower that cuts
Thought my love was deadly but I never press play
I know every breath by heart anyway
The way you laughed at first said, hey, it's me
Then the air got heavy like you couldn't breathe
You talked about the rain,
how it matched your mood How you tried so hard but
it still wasn't good I'm out the words with you in
the dark Like some broken prayer I can't restart
47 seconds of almost fine Then the last four ruin the rest of my life
Voicemail number three,
still in my phone A little red circle I can't leave alone
I'll never hit play but I'll never delete
Cause losing you twice is more than I can keep
It ends with I'm sorry,
this isn't working Every day I almost
press it just to hear you wording
But I know how it ends so I let it stay unread The
last time you said my name still lives inside my head
Sometimes 3am makes me brave for a second I unlock the screen,
watch the ball filled with dread
My thumb shakes above the speaker icon Like
a trigger I swear I'll never pull again
I wonder if your voice still cracks on sorry If
the rain still falls in the background for me
Or if time smoothed it out,
made you calm and sure While I'm stuck
in the pause right before the word
I paid the phone bill just to keep you alive A
monthly subscription to the night you said goodbye
Voicemail number three,
my secret little grave I visit without moving like a coward,
like a slave
I'll never hit play but I'll never let go Some
wounds only bleed when you leave them alone
It ends with I'm sorry,
this isn't working Four words I replay without ever re-hearing
I know how it ends so I keep it on ice The
last time you loved me still pays the price
Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to delete
Weak enough to listen and fall at your feet
But tonight I just hold the phone to my chest
Like it's your heartbeat I'm still trying to kiss
Voicemail number three,
you're quieter each year But I keep you on live
support with unshed tears I'll never hit play,
I'll never move on Some ghosts only speak when the living are gone
Message kept
July 17th
Goodbye,
142 AM Goodbye,
goodbye