Let's hear it for Bonnie McFarlane!
Come on, let's hear it!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Very nice.
I'm having a good year.
I just moved into a new apartment,
and I have a gentleman call her over,
and my ex-boyfriend comes over,
and he starts yelling into the window,
you sick *.
The guy inside, he runs outside.
And they have a fight in my courtyard.
Well, I say fight, but they were Jewish.
So it was just a lot of you need therapy,
and then one ran off.
Not exactly the ego boost I was going for.
So my ex-boyfriend was the last man standing in that little scenario.
I let him into my apartment.
I didn't know what to do.
He was just yelling and stuff,
so I let him into my apartment,
and I then couldn't get him to leave,
so I had to call 911.
And I gave the woman on the other
end of the line all the information,
and she goes, well, is he black?
And I said, no.
And she said, is he Hispanic?
And I said, no.
And she goes, well, what is he?
I go, he's Jewish.
She goes, oh.
She clucked right into the phone,
like you could hear it all in that one cluck.
Well, why didn't you just call his mom?
I was like, she's in the car.
My neighbors probably think I'm a big weirdo,
but whatever.
You know what I did when I moved in?
There's a website you can go to that tells
you where all the serious *** offenders live.
I suggest you go check this out,
because I went and I looked it up.
It turns out my neighborhood is crawling with sickos.
Yes, it is bad.
I'm scared to get the paper naked anymore.
I don't care if the store is just around the corner.
I jog naked,
like especially if I go at night.
I just feel like it's safer.
That way, if there's any perverts around,
they think I'm already being chased.
That's the nice thing about rapists.
They're not competitive.
They're underachievers, those rapists.