ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dingNow Mrs. McGrath, the sergeant saidWould you like to make a soldier out of your son, Ted?With a scarlet coat and a big cocked hatNow Mrs. McGrath, wouldn't you like that?Would you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaSo Mrs. McGrath lived on the seashoreFor the space of seven long years or moreTill she spied a ship come a-sailing on the seaHull-a-loo-ba-ba-loo, and I think it is heWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-yaHo-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaOh, Captain, dear, where have you been?Have you been sailing on the Mediterranean?Oh, have you any tidings of my son, Ted?Is the poor boy living or is he dead?Would you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaThen up stepped Mrs. McGrathUp stepped without any legsAnd in their place two wooden pegsShe kissed him a dozen times, a-two cryingHoly Moses, it isn't youWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaOh, was you drunk?Oh, was you blind?When you left your two fine legs behind?Oh, was it walking upon the seaOr your two fine legs from the knees away?Would you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaI wasn't drunk, I wasn't blindWhen I left my two fine legs behindBut a cannonball on the 5th of MaySwept my two fine legs from the knees awayWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaOh, then Teddy, my boy, the widow criedYour two fine legs were your mama's prideThem two wooden stumps wouldn't do at allWhy didn't you run from the big cannonball?Would you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaAll foreign wars I do proclaimBetween John John and the King of SpainBy the heavens, I'll make them rue the timeThey swept the legs from a child of mineWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaAnd if I had you back againI'd never let you go to fight the King of SpainI'd rather have my teddies a-used to beThan the King of France and his whole navyWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaWould you do-ri-ya, ho-la-dee-da-laDo-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-yaThat's all there is to it.Well, hey, Bill.Bill, maybe, uh...Maybe you know a...An old song with a story.