Big hand for Brian Holtzman, come on!
Hello!
California always told me it was a nutty state.
I drove my car from New York to California
and they stopped me at the border.
They wanted to know if I had any fruits
or vegetables in my motor vehicle.
I said no,
but I got a grandmother back east near death and a gay brother.
I'll be right back.
How many Mexicans in the house tonight?
Somebody spilled something in the kitchen.
Could you go back there and clean that * up?
Whoa!
Everybody knows Los Angeles is the capital of Mexico.
Give me a * break.
You don't draw a line in the sand and call this California.
It's Mexico!
It's Mexico!
And I found out what Cico de Mayo is,
that celebration.
That's the day they invented the fuel-powered leaf blower.
They
never go anywhere without this * machine.
And they never clean up anything either.
You just blow this mess to the next * house over here.
Now you need three more Gicanos to
clean up the mess that was over here.
That's over here now!
And this tradition about this piada,
this flying candy-holding animal.
You're in America now.
Leave your culture behind, you * *!
In America,
we buy some candy,
we put it in our pockets.
You know what we do?
We give the kid the * candy.
I went down to Tijuana, there were eight kids.
Two of them had eye patches in their pockets full of * candy.
Give the kids the * candy!
Give the kids the * candy!
We got any Asians in the house tonight?
Orientals?
Yeah,
this button is about to fall off this shirt.
Can you come up and sew it on, yang-yang?
Everything's 20 bucks with you motherfuckers.
20 bucks, 20 bucks, 20 bucks, 20 bucks.
A bowl of rice, 20 bucks.
Who's making your prices, you motherfucker?
I want to drive in a diamond lane,
that carpool lane they have out here,
but I have no friends.
So I pick up a homeless person,
drive him 50 miles out of town and
kick his * ass out of the car.
Take me home.
You're homeless,
it doesn't matter where I drop you off.